The Hawley Home

New Crafty, Creative, Cooking Blog

2010-12-13T10:39:00.000-08:00

I know. I know. Another blog! It is so fun, though, and it is an outlet for some gifts God has given me. Come visit my new blog (I have three!), and see what is brewing creatively at my house and in my life.
For those keeping track, this blog (Hawley Home) is for personal friends. This blog isn't updated often due to Facebook, which really usurped the need for Hawley Home.
I also have http://godlyhelpmate.blogspot.com/, which is a blog dedicated to spiritual lessons and discussions on being a woman of God, and specifically a wife.
Finally, there is now http://calicoandcupcakes.blogspot.com/. I share my right brain journeys through crafting, cooking, decorating and entertaining.
Thanks for any you are willing to read. : ) I sure do enjoy writing blogs, and I love your comments. Leave your thoughts!

Crafting: Gingerbread tags or ornaments

2010-11-30T15:17:00.000-08:00

I have actually SQUEEZED, and I mean barely squeezed, moments of time for crafting into my schedule. I made two wreaths for Christmas (I need to make another ribbon wreath to balance the other one), and I have had fun looking at ideas for felt flower clips and gingerbread tags for Christmas. I hope to make the tags in the next week or two with the boys. It is a family friendly activity, and you can make them any shape that you want. If you have a cookie cutter in the shape of the manger, would you let me know where you got it? I would love to make my tags and ornaments CHRIST centered for Christmas! Here is the link for making the gingerbread tags:

http://craftberrybush.blogspot.com/2010/11/you-cant-catch-me-im-gingerbread-man.html

Summer into Fall

2010-09-10T10:45:00.000-07:00

The summer has been deliciously long and languid,
but the pools and fields are still and lonely.
Tanned cheeks and flip flops are replaced with school books and backpacks.
The days are shorter and, somehow, less bright.
Slowly, the blazing, haughty splendor of summer wilts slightly,
and you can feel the tug of war between autumn and summer.
Dew and chill creep gently into the morning and eve,
and the garish, green garments on the trees turn ever so slightly brown.
One morning, a cool breeze roots across the ground,
and a single, brown leaf quivers and bows in submission--floating to the ground.
Fall is here.

New Blog

2010-07-01T15:11:00.000-07:00

I am not ready to delete this Hawley Home blog, but I wanted to let you know that I've been spending my time writing a new ministry blog called Helpmate. It is specifically written for Christian women--especially those who are called to be wives. If you are interested, you can find it at http://godlyhelpmate.blogspot.com/. A lot of my updates on family and kids can be found on Facebook, so be mine friend to keep up with the Hawleys! Love to you all! Chiara

Three weeks

2010-04-26T22:10:00.000-07:00

I changed my blog background in honor of our upcoming vacation. I don't know if I'll post again soon, so I wanted to fill everyone in on our lives. We have a very busy three weeks ahead. God is so good, as all of the busy days are because of blessings. We are moving, wrapping up a great year of ministry and going on vacation.

When these three weeks are over, we will have packed, moved, painted and refloored our new home, held our end of the year celebration for our marriage ministry, and gone to Maui on vacation. We are very grateful for our vacation coming after our move and our ministry wrap-up! We will greatly need and enjoy our time on the beach and living at a Hawaiian pace for a bit.

So, hopefully I will be able to write again soon! I have several blog post ideas I've been crafting, but they will probably have to wait. Aloha, everyone!

Date Night!

2010-04-15T22:45:00.000-07:00

Ryan and I lagged a little on the date nights last year, which is understandable with a newborn in the house. However, this year we made the decision to take turns planning our two date nights a month. In addition, we are trying to make the dates creative and not always turn to dinner and a movie on our night out. We've done some fun dates before: Disneyland, walk around the Montage and eat in Laguna Beach, Cirque de Soleil, hiking on a Saturday morning, quick tacos and then a nice dessert at a fondue restaurant, etc.

If you are married, date nights are vital. Whether you are like us, with small kids at home, or you have teenagers or no kids, it is important to get away from the daily grind and just have time to communicate, sit and talk with your spouse.

I thought it might be fun to get some creative ideas for dates. I know that some of you have been on or have heard about some great nights out. Share!

Carter is Four

2010-04-06T16:30:00.000-07:00

What a crazy and BIG year for Carter! Two weeks before Micah arrived last year, we potty trained our little trooper. He went from being a baby in diapers to a very big boy. He welcomed Micah, not quite sure what this would mean for him. Now, he is a big fan of his brother, introducing him to everyone, "This is Micah."

Carter started preschool this year. We have seen him grow SO much in self control and the ability to focus for longer periods of time.

He saw his first official movie--Up--in the theater. That was the beginning of fun trips to see things with him in the movie theater. Micah attended that first movie too, but he sucked on my finger and fussed through most of it.

Carter grew leaps and bounds. Right after he turned three he shot up in height, and he was just a hair shy of 40 inches when he turned 4. As mommy and daddy promised, he got to go to Disneyland and ride all the "Big Boy" rides like Space Mountain, Thunder Mountain, Splash Mountain--a lot of mountain rides. : ) He was in heaven!

He now rides a bike without training wheels, he has a two wheel scooter, and he eats hamburgers.

Carter is still full of energy, and we always get comments about his joyful and happy disposition when he is excited about something. He bounces out of the car and hops all the way to class every time we go to preschool. He loves his teacher, Mrs. Balazs, and his classmates.

Daddy has a special place in Carter's heart, and it is fun seeing their bond grow stronger. He still likes mommy to hold him when he is hurt, tired or wanting a back scratch.

I love my little buddy. His sweet heart and curious mind are so fascinating to witness. I thank God for such a great year with him! Happy birthday, Carter! May your next year be just as amazing!

Micah is one

2010-03-14T21:09:00.001-07:00

Micah,

I have to be honest that I don't remember very much clearly from when you first joined us. The doctor gave me medicine that made me very sleepy and weak, but I remember hearing you cry. I thanked God that you were healthy and breathing so well.

When I was in the hospital after having you, I would actually look forward to when I could feed you in the middle of the night. They would bring you back to our room and I would feed you. Then, I would snuggle with you for awhile. You'd rest next to me. In fact, for the first few months of your life, I loved to take little naps with you snuggling next to me. When you would stir, you'd open your eyes and see me lying right next to you, and you would peacefully go right back to sleep. I would sometimes just watch you and listen to your little baby snores.

You were a beautiful from the moment you were born. You had a head full of hair and pretty eyes. I was so proud of you when people met you. I was always told how handsome you were!

You've done everything at your own interesting pace this year. You took your first independent steps at 10 months and were walking at 11 months. You got your teeth at 6 months, but you always got two at a time, and never in any normal order. In fact, you had a full molar before your bottom front, side teeth came in. You certainly are taking your time with talking too!

Your favorite things were balls, crawling backward, the vaccum cleaner, eating paper (we had to hide all the trash cans on top of high objects), stuffed animals, hair--pulling it (ouch!), screaming--you had to be heard over Carter, avocados, Gerber puffs (you would have nothing to do with Cheerios), taking your socks off at any possible time, and throwing food.

We call you destructo because you like to . . . well, destroy things. Boy do I have to keep my eye on you! : )

I love you so much, buddy. I love how you laugh at doggies with a deep, belly laugh. I love how you pretend to talk to mommy on the phone. I love how you cuddle and smile when you see me in the morning. I love how you smile when you do something mischievous. I love how you wiggle out of any seat belt created. I love how you think clapping "Yaaaaay!" also means "all done."

I can already see gifts God has given you--boldness, affection for others, a sense of humor . . . and traits which you will need to ask God to help you contain--impatience and tempermentalism (you can thank mommy for that). I am already praying God may be the focus of your life, that your might belong to Him through repentance and faith, and that He might use you mightily!

You are a sweet, sweet boy--a gift from God to your daddy and me. You are more than worth every late night feeding, every stretch mark, every tired arm, every eaten piece of paper, and any inconvenience. I wouldn't trade your smiles, laughs, cuddles, hugs, kisses and love to change any of those things. We love you, Micah man. Happy first year to you, buddy. Thank you for the blessing you are!

Humility in Weakness

2010-03-02T09:56:00.001-08:00

Mark 9: 21-25 And Jesus asked his father, “How long has this been happening to him?” And he said, “From childhood. 22 And it has often cast him into fire and into water, to destroy him. But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” 23 And Jesus said to him, “‘If you can’! All things are possible for one who believes.” 24 Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief!” 25 And when Jesus saw that a crowd came running together, he rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, “You mute and deaf spirit, I command you, come out of him and never enter him again.”

This passage has always been a powerful one for me. This man/father does not have faith. He says, “if you can,” but he desperately wants to have belief in Jesus. He tells Him “Help my unbelief!” Jesus responds and helps because of this man’s desire to believe and his humility before Christ. Do we do the same when we are finding it hard to trust or obey? Do we cry out humbly, “Lord, I want to trust/obey. Help me overcome this sin that is entangling me!” Rather, I think we sometimes try to fix things first or push it back in our minds. We figure we are having a bad day, and we just need time. Our immediate action should always be to fall on our knees in prayer to ask repentance and seek God’s wisdom,strength and help. Would the One who provided Christ for us withhold the tools we need for sanctification and holiness? Thankfully, no. We are grateful!

Elementary Truths

2010-02-22T21:34:00.000-08:00

Facebook is a great way to keep in touch with people who live far away or with whom you rarely see. Recently, however, Facebook has been a source of heartache for me. Three people with whom I was in Bible study and who went to a solid, Bible teaching church have wandered into sin and have chosen worldly passions over a relationship with Christ. I am reminded of their bad decisions with every Facebook picture or update they post.

I am not shocked when non-Christian friends use profanity or talk excessively about drinking, anger, greed or bitterness. They are of the world. Why should I be surprised? However, it makes my heart sink when people who claimed to be Christ's followers "abandon" their faith. Two of the individuals are proclaiming to still be "spiritual", but they are relying on self entirely and not open to admonishment or humility. The third individual makes me the most sad, for he was someone I have known since elementary school. I always admired his boldness, his athletic talent, his intelligence, and, I thought, his faith in God. He has not just fallen away, he is a false teacher and is spreading a false message.

I recently discovered, he has a website/blog he posts on Facebook which is on the EXTREME side of emergent beliefs. Every discussion is seen in light of a social gospel, and he goes so far as to call Christians who share the true gospel as small minded, brainwashed individuals who don't get what Christ wanted us to do--love others and help those in oppression, according to him. He recently went to seminary and has emerged with a desire for intellectual "discussions" on what the Bible means to you, how we can help overthrow established systems of power, and, mainly, ways to create comfort for people here on earth. He fights for social, gender, racial and economic equality. He fights AGAINST conservative Christianity. He considers us morons.

My heart aches because he is lost. He fights for the wrong cause. This temporal life is not Christ's focus. It never was. Though he might think I'm a small-minded person, it does all boil down to the gospel message. We are sinners in need of repentance and faith in Christ. We are enemies of God. Christ reconciles us, and our response to this is an eternal decision. We will be separated from God FOREVER in Hell or we will dwell with Him in His goodness and light FOREVER in Heaven.

Truly, this story illustrates the truths of II Timothy 4:3, "For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear." It also is a good reminder that many people who claim to know Christ do not. We can never assume people are Christians just because they say they are so. All will be brought to light before God someday, and many will hear, "Depart from me. I never knew you."

This heartache also brings me to a place of thanksgiving to God. It reminds me that I grew up in the same churches, hearing the same messages, and meeting similar people. We went to the same Christian schools and both sat under my current pastor. However, the difference, is God. God called me to Him and softened my heart to know the truth. Without God choosing me, I would also be just a "spiritual" person with a heart for humanity and a heart that stood in opposition to the gospel and the humility it requires. I owe everything to God, and I pray He still calls these people to Him in repentance and faith.

Rebellious Decisions

2010-02-11T09:41:00.000-08:00

Rebellious Decisions by Pastor Mike Fabarez

Awhile back the Supreme Court summarized another decision to move our country and its laws further from biblical principles by stating that their ruling epitomized “the progress of a maturing society.” As we often see throughout biblical history in general, and the book of Judges in particular, when society sees itself “casting off the fetters” of God’s moral precepts and his just dictates, they do nothing more than set themselves up for bondage, oppression and God’s passivity. Like the rebellion of a teenage son, when nations seek to establish their “maturity” by freeing themselves from parental ethics and mores, they always do so to their own hurt. It will eventually be clear that “righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a disgrace to any people” (Pr.14:34) – “sin” defined not by the lowest common denominator of those who might be “offended”, but “sin” as defined by the Father of mankind. Unfortunately, it often takes a series of painful consequences for truly maturing teens to realize the wisdom of their parents’ forsaken rules. May that realization come quickly for us. While the church is not established for the purpose of corporately engaging in politics, it is our duty to continue to earnestly pray for “kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness” (1Tim.2:2).

The journey of Heart Training

2010-02-05T21:27:00.001-08:00

Have you ever had one of THOSE days with heart training your little one? I know you are all thinking, "Oh, Yeah!" We've all been there. I feel like most of my days are spent reminding, training, chastising, correcting, admonishing and guiding. Three years was an especially rough road. We didn't have the terrible twos. In fact, two was low key compared to this last year.

We are currently rounding a corner, though. Everyone told me that four was a good year. It seems to be holding true as we approach the big fourth birthday.

We actually can have decent conversations with Carter about God, the Bible, behavior, character, sin, and choices. As many of you know, last year any question of "What did you learn in church today, Carter?" was met with two answers: "God" or "Jesus". We did go through a short phase of him answering "the Israelites" when they were studying Exodus. That was the extent of it.

I actually see Carter applying some lessons to his decision making and thoughts. That makes every frustrating day of heart training worth while. God is so gracious to let us see little glimpses of fruit in their lives as we work with them.

I know it is all God's work on Carter's heart, but I have to give huge praise to my hubby for his obedience as a godly father. He has been so consistent in prayer, Bible memorization, and Sunday school topic review nightly with Carter. What a great leader he is to our family!

We certainly have a long road ahead of us. Most of the day is still filled with LOTS of heart training, especially in the area of self control. Now that Micah is almost a year, we are in the beginning stages of teaching Micah about disobedience and consequences. The more forbidden an object, the more he wants it and tries to get to it. Oh, what stubborn little hearts my boys have! Where in the world did they get that characteristic? (Notice the sarcasm) Truly, it just reminds me of where my fleshly nature would take me without God's work in my life.

It sure is a journey--full of valleys and a few gracious mountaintops. Whatever journey God has planned, my prayer is that it all leads to their surrender to God in repentance and faith.

Globus Pharyngeus--Huh?

2010-01-29T16:22:00.000-08:00

GERD, acid reflux and other digestive issues run in my dad's side of the family. Poor little Micah was born with it too. I think it is funny that the Mexican half of my family suffers from this, as they eat nothing but spicy food, tomatoes and other generally not-so-good for reflux foods.
I've had issues with this before. I get heartburn fairly easily, and in both pregnancies I had to sleep sitting straight up during the last trimester because the heartburn was so bad. In fact, in my last trimester with Micah, I went to the ER with a severe form of "lump in my throat". I actually was choking a lot and finding it hard to breathe at times. They gave me steroids to relax my throat. Only because of the heartburn, I also started taking Xantac, and it cleared up. They told me the throat spasms were due to a throat infection, but I now realize it was a flare up of Globus Pharyngeus.
Well, a couple of days ago, I developed this annoying lump in my throat. It felt like food was stuck on the right side of my throat--down below my Adam's apple. I tried drinking a lot of water as fast as possible to wash it out, but that didn't help. I didn't sleep well, as it actually radiates a little bit of pain into my chest. It is worse at night.
I suspected it was related to reflux. Sure enough, all the symptoms align with Globus Pharyngeus. It is when the muscles below your adam's apple over tighten to keep acid out of your throat. It isn't the most pleasant feeling--you feel it every time you swallow--like you took too big of a bite and it is stuck in your throat.
I bought some Zantac, and I am trying to destress. Stress makes it worse. Do any of you have any background with this? It is supposed to go away on its own after a few weeks or months. I'd love any advice if you've struggled with this. I know I need to not eat an hour before bed, and I need to avoid fats, milky foods and spice or caffeine at night.

Love Dare: In addition

2010-01-25T15:36:00.001-08:00

I was talking with a friend at church, and she was asking me if The Love Dare would be a good read for a marriage that was in trouble. I had to say no. If you followed me on my 40 day Love Dare journey, you can see that it is a good read to remind a spouse/spouses about how to sacrificially love and serve in marriage. I enjoyed taking the time to serve Ryan as a blessing to him, and I know it meant a lot to him that I chose to love him in this way.

However, if you are having huge marital problems, this book won't solve them. You need to go seek the counsel of a pastor to see where the marriage is falling short of Biblical guidelines for marriage, and you need to have communication with the pastor about how to fix the sin issue that is sidelining the relationship.

This book does present the Biblical ideas for a godly marriage, but I doubt very few people can truly realize a sin issue and change when the issues are usually very engrained and deep.

Also, please read my posts on the gospel message in this book. The book is in error. God does love you, but you don't become a Christian to be loved. Being a Christian is about realizing you are a sinner before a holy God. Only Christ's death on the cross can pay your debt--yes, you owe God a payment for your sin, but Christ has paid it for us. After you realize your sinful state and need for Christ, you will REPENT and have faith in God to provide and lead. Your life will not be your own anymore. You will be a follower of Christ, and He is now the master of your life. You will live a life where you are learning to die to self and give more and more glory and obedience to God. Love is a vital part of the gospel, but it isn't the focus or the summary.

If you know a non-Christian who is reading this book, please use this as an opportunity to speak about why the book falls short on the gospel presentation and share the true gospel with the reader.

I wanted to make sure I clarified these things before I left the topic. I would recommend this book to use as a prompt to unordinary thoughtfulness and action, but I wouldn't use it to save a failing marriage or to bring someone to Christ.

Busy, busy

2010-01-12T16:23:00.000-08:00

Okay, okay. It has been WAY too long since I wrote a post. I know. I have a minute right now because Carter is taking an extra LONG nap. Life is a bit hectic, but I'll fill you in on what is happening.

Ryan and I are still co-leading our 150+ person marriage ministry every week. In fact, we just held a marriage workshop for goalsetting last weekend. We had about 40 people attend, and we got some great feedback. We are constantly praying for God to lift up some new group leaders, as we and our co-leaders are leading two of the nine small groups, which is not ideal when you are running the group. God might have someone in line right now for one of the groups. We are praying!

Ryan moved locations for his office, and now he is closer to home! It has been nice running up to see him at lunch or having him come home to see us if his day allows!

We celebrated our 7 year anniversary at the end of December with a night at the Blue Lantern Inn. It was really nice despite a lady falling off the cliff (she was okay), and having loud rescue helipcopters and half the police force outside our balcony.

Micah's first birthday is quickly approaching. I can't believe he is going to be one already! It is funny how different the boys are. It might be just because he is the second, but I feel like he isn't doing things as quickly as Carter did. Carter definitely was saying words by now, and Micah is happy growling like a Tiger (he has a tiger figurine he loves) and clapping for me to say "YaaaaaYYYYY!" (He thinks that also means all done, so he claps YaaaaYYYY when I am wiping snot or food off his face). I'm in the thick of planning his first birthday party. It will be fun to celebrate our little destructo and his first year. He is getting two more teeth on the top, and he has had a cold the past two weeks. Fun times for all.

Carter is getting so big. He definitely prefers daddy now, though if he is hurt or wanting a back scratch, he comes to find mommy. He is an expert at the Wii--almost beating me several times at bowling. He got a bike for Christmas, and he is really good on it. It won't be long before the training wheels come off. He still loves maps of amusement parks, and we are going to renew our Disneyland passes this year for his birthday. He should be 40 inches (or just under) and be able to ride the BIG rides--Thunder Mountain, Space Mountain, Soaring over California, etc. He is chomping at the bit to do these rides, so it would be great if he gets there by his birthday.

We are praying about moving this spring. We are both dreading the displacement, busy lives, and stress that can come with moving, and excited about where we will move. It won't get any easier, and we would love to find a new home before interest rates go up and the boys start kindergarten. If you think about it, pray for our real estate adventures--wisdom and peace of mind in the process!

Well, Micah has thrown every pajama out of my drawer, so I need to go pick up the mess. Like the title says, life is busy--but it sure is blessed!

Love Dare: Day 39 and 40!

2009-12-27T15:06:00.001-08:00

Well, my goal was to finish before our anniversary (tomorrow) so I could tell Ryan I Love Dared him for the past 40 days (I still don't think he realizes!). I did it. It was really nice to have a refresher course on a godly marriage and, most importantly, a sacrifical marriage where I am submitting to and serving Ryan out of love. I would highly recommend this to anyone thinking about it. I haven't been able to blog about much else, but it is good record of what I learned and practiced over these (more than) 40 days-give or take.

Chapter 39 was entitled "Love Endures". It is about how sticking to your marriage no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT. We have discussed how divorce is so quickly an option for so many people. God doesn't think so. We have agape love--unconditional love. We shouldn't be inconsistent, wavering or limited in our love. Our love is a choice and commitment.

The dare is great. I am to write a letter to Ryan telling him that I commit to loving him no matter what. I will never choose to leave him or find something better. My love is not conditional. Even when he is unlovable by world's standards, I will love him because God asks me to do so and I will obey. I plan to write this and give it to him on our anniversary outing tomorrow. So perfect!

Finally, chapter 40 is about "Love is a Covenant." This chapter talks about marriage as a covenant, not a contract. A contract is self serving, limited if conditions aren't met on the other end, written, breakable and cold. A covenant is sacrificial, trusting, verbal, unconditional, strong, sacred and unending. God made covenants in the Bible, such as with David and Abraham. God helps us keep our covenant of marriage. We can't do it in our own power. Our marriages are to be a picture of God's covenant with His church. That is a strong and powerful bond.

The dare is to renew your vows, rewrite your vows, or revisit your vows. I plan to watch our wedding video with Ryan and read our vows again to each other. We have them mounted on our wall in our bedroom (thanks to my sister-in-law, Sarah, framing them for us when we got married), but we walk by them so much, they get lost in the wall art. They are special. It will be nice to revisit them, reread them and remember that we are in a sacred covenant with one another--thanks to the gracious, ever abundant help and blessings from God!

Love Dare: Day 38

2009-12-26T15:04:00.000-08:00

Today's chapter is AWESOME! It is called "Love Fulfills Dreams." It is all about loving your spouse by fulfilling an obtainable dream or being extravagant in your love (not just practical). I was thinking about this since yesterday was Christmas. When we didn't have kids, I used to plan fun getaways with Ryan as his gift. He would love that. Seriously. He just LOVES to have vacation and travel.

That really isn't feasible right now because of having two very young kids at home AND finances. However, I could easily surprise him with a one night away somewhere. I know he'd really appreciate it. Maybe in June or July when busy season is over, we have had enough time back from Maui to need another break, I will surprise him (unless he's reading this, in which case I will have to pick a different, undisclosed time).

It is so fun to do something unexpected and really fun for your spouse, but we get into our budgets, practical needs, time crunched lives and really forget to do nice surprises once in awhile.

We also have to remember it doesn't have to be financially draining. Some women would LOVE to just have a day to be kid free, go to the spa and lunch with friends and just not have responsibilities. Men would love to have you take the time and energy to be affectionate or to hear you respect and encourage them in front of others. Think creatively and think about what speaks to your spouse.

This chapter was a good reminder. : ) Take some time out to really think of what your spouse loves, dreams about, or would consider extra special. Create a goal to get this/do this for them. It is fun for them and you!

Love Dare: Day 36 and 37

2009-12-23T22:47:00.000-08:00

The two chapters under today's post really agree and belong together. They are called "Love is God's Word" and "Love Agrees in Prayer." Time in the Word of God and prayer should be a priority for you and your spouse. Both chapters urge you to be in the Word and to pray DAILY, and, if possible, to not just do this yourself, but to get your spouse to do this too.

Ryan and I were blessed when we met. We both had established daily quiet times of our own, and it was understood that we would come together to study the Bible and pray together as well. Over the years of dating and marriage, we have honed our habits. We meet every night for a quick devotional and prayer time (about 10 minutes). Each week, we meet for an extended period of prayer and Bible study (an hour or two) together. This year we also started sharing what we learned in our personal quiet time each day. We talk about this at the dinner table to show the boys the priority we place on God and our study of His Word and will for us.

This is such valuable time, and these chapters are right on. An encouraging part I read was that if your spouse is not willing to do Bible study or prayer with you regularly, still do it by yourself. God will give you direction, strength and enurance to live out your marital role with obedience and success. In addition, you have no idea how much your actions will also motivate and inspire your spouse to follow your example!

Day 34 and 35: Love Dare

2009-12-21T09:59:00.001-08:00

I got behind on my posting. We celebrated Christmas early yesterday (with my side of the family), and we also served a dinner for some needy families at church. I absolutely LOVE everything about Christmas and traditions with it, but I always find behind on the regular routine (cleaning, laundry, etc.). So, to make up for it, I'm posting two days together.

Day 34 is a really good one. It is entitled "Love celebrates godliness." We know we are supposed to celebrate our spouse's success, right? We host a dinner for that new job, we give pats on the back for a great meal cooked or a house repair done correctly . . . What about spiritual success? Are we encouraging and congratulating our spouse when they demonstrate growth and success in righteousness? We should be worried about this all the more than worldly successes.

I have to say I probably am lazy in this area. I need to do more "Thank you honey for praying for our boys each night." "Ryan, I am so proud of you for always putting Bible study and prayer with me as a first priority." "I love how you memorized so much of the Bible this year. It is an inspiration to me." "I am impressed with how easily you forgave this person and didn't let pride interfere with your ability to let go." "I have seen so much growth in ___ area, and I wanted you to know." I think these things, but I don't always say them as much as I should. So, this chapter was a great reminder!

The dare today is to think of a spiritual success your spouse has demonstrated lately and to verbally commend them today. I can't wait!

Day 35 is about mentorship. The title is "Love is accountable". This chapter talks about the importance of having a married couple you admire for their godly marriage to whom you can chat when you have a dilemma, question, concern, etc. Sometimes you might go chat as a couple, and sometimes you might seek the advice of your gender role mentor.

I have to say that Ryan and I don't really have this in place. We are blessed with an amazing church that teaches us the godly way to live out our marriage roles, and we have pastoral counseling for us if we ever hit a snag in the road or couldn't surmount a sin issue in our marriage. It would be nice to have a close couple to whom we could meet once in a while and always approach if we had any marriage questions/parenting issues, etc.

The dare for today is to find a marriage mentor--a Christian who will be honest with you and always point to what the Bible says. I need to bring this up with Ryan and see if we can brainstorm a couple we admire and trust to be our confidante in our marriage journey.

Love Dare: Day 33

2009-12-17T22:32:00.001-08:00

Today's chapter was "Love Completes Each Other". It was interesting because it talked about how God brings people together who have differences which complete and aid the other person.

So often, married couples dwell on differences negatively. He is such a night owl! She is so sensitive! He always wants to have people over! She would spend all her time helping others if she could!

I was thinking of these the way we say them--with a sigh, complaint and whine. We don't take the time to see the unique personalities of our spouse as complimentary to us.

I know I've recognized this in Ryan and I. For instance, Ryan is very optimistic and takes things at face value. I am a professional pessimist who reads into things and likes to assume motives and outcomes. When you leave us isolated, we are either unrealistic dreamers or judgmental discounters. However, when you put us together in a situation, we balance one another. I keep Ryan's head out of the clouds, and he reminds me not to be so negative and down about things. I give him some intuition, and he gives me the reminder to be hopeful and joyful in life. We are a good balance.

Today's dare is to tell you spouse you value their differences and that you wish to take what they have to say about issues into perspective. If you have been wrong in picking on a uniqueness in your spouse, ask for forgiveness and make every effort to see the positive aspect of differences and how you complete one another.

Love Dare: Day 32

2009-12-15T09:43:00.000-08:00

It's here! Today's chapter is about sex. I was wondering when I'd have to write about that. Well, there isn't anything mind-boggling to write. The chapter talked about how sex is a legitimate need in a married person's life and God made the spouse the person to meet that need. If we withhold sex for any reason, we are dishonoring our spouse and in sin.

Leading a marriage ministry, and really just living life, I have seen multiple marriages destroyed by unfaithfulness and affairs. If you withhold sex from your spouse, you are making the temptation of an affair all the more likely and tempting to your spouse. Why would you want to send your husband off to work or your wife off to the gym knowing that you have purposely avoiding sex with them. They will be tempted to look to meet their emotional and physical needs somewhere else. That might be through another person.

Truly, we snicker at the topic of sex, but it is such a vital lifeline in a marriage and such a common area of concern in dysfunctional unions.

Make sure you are intimate with your spouse regularly and that you even initiate it sometimes. This was the dare for today! That's all I'm going to say about that . . .

Love Dare: Day 31

2009-12-14T10:15:00.000-08:00

So, if Ryan doesn't know about me doing the Love Dare on him, I am shocked. If he does know, he is doing a great job of hiding the fact he knows. I was thinking about how I would tell him, and I thought our anniversary night away--on December 28th--would be a great time to talk about it. I should be finished, and we can talk through the points I found hard or on which I need to work more. : ) As you know from last year's blog post right after our anniversary, we go away each year to celebrate and set our marriage goals. This year we are running a goal setting conference on January 9th. We will be teaching other couples how to run a goal setting time each year and what should be communicated. You can be praying that goes well!

So, today's chapter was called Love and Marriage. It is about the oneness of marriage, with a focus on the need to let go of the parent/child relationship when you get married. Really, it is talking about any relationship in which the husband or wife is second fiddle.

In our marriage, it is a balancing act. We both have great parents who live very close. They are supportive and loving, but it is tempting to have such a close relationship and not sometimes value their input over your spouse's. I don't think it is a huge problem, but we do need to always be aware that we have that oneness and continually check that we have left and cleaved to our spouse. I am so blessed to have such a great marriage AND godly parents on both sides. We have an amazing support system.

The Dare for today is to identify any "leaving" issues you may have and to confess it to your spouse. Then, together, commit to making it right and make your marriage a top priority over every other human relationship.

Love Dare: Day 30

2009-12-12T09:57:00.000-08:00

Hi, friends. What a week! I apologize for not posting sooner, but, like I said, what a week! We had a roof leak, a play to perform and memorize for church, two sick kids, one night of no sleep and up with a feverish kiddo, and no end of Christmas prep and life's normal business.

I'm back, though.

Today's chapter is called Love Brings Unity. It was a wonderful look at how God is the perfect picture of unity. He asks the church body to be in unity, He gives us the perfect example of the trinity, and he points to Christ's mission here on earth to do the will of the Father.

Marriage is a small picture of God's call to unity. Husbands and wives are to be faithful for life, they are to serve one another in peace, and they are to think about the plans, desires and needs of the other. Imagine if we all could live out our marriages with such ideals in place--what blessings it would bring in our homes!

The dare for today is "Isolate one area of division in your marriage, and look on today as a fresh opportunity to pray about it. Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse. Pray that He would do the same for them. And if appropriate, discuss this matter openly, seeking God for unity."

Love Dare: Day 29

2009-12-06T15:32:00.000-08:00

Today's chapter is called "Love's Motivation." This chapter is about how our love for our spouse is not motivated by what they earn or deserve. As Christians, our love for our spouse is motivated by God's love for us. We are to love "as unto the Lord."

The dare today is to pray for your spouse before they get home. Pray for them by name and pray for their needs. Then, when you see them, you are to say, "I love you," and love them in a practical, tangible way. After you do this, pray for them again and thank God that you are given the chance to show unconditional love to your spouse.

Love Dare: Day 28

2009-12-04T15:07:00.000-08:00

Love Makes Sacrifices. This was a tough chapter to read, and I would guess it would be for anyone. We are programed to respond to our own needs when we need help or intervention. Like a finger touching a burning surface, we move into action and let everyone around us know we are out of sorts. "I'm so tired!" "The kids have been SO sick/bad/crazy . . ." "I am feeling down" "I am overwhelmed!"

When our spouses speak to us with some complaining or confession of needing help, we dismiss it easily and don't respond as we expect people to respond when WE need help.

Today's chapter even reached into the realms of physical intimacy. Our spouses often have to let us know they need this through vocalization. This is sad. We need to be paying enough attention to protect our spouse BEFORE this happens and we certainly should respond when they voice a concern.

Today's dare is to sacrifice time, energy, and resources to do the one thing your spouse needs you to do most today. I told you this was a tough read . . . but a good one!

Love Dare: Day 27

2009-12-02T14:52:00.000-08:00

Love encourages. This is the chapter title for today, and it was a great reminder. Both Ryan and myself are a bit type-A, and we can impatiently project high expectations on each other rather than encouraging and accepting one another.

I know I've gotten a lot better in this area. I used to have the romantic notions that men could read women's minds and that life is much rosier in a relationship. Well, life is blessed by marriage, but it is still hard. Furthermore, I know that I have to communicate if I am feeling disappointed by my spouse. Ryan can't read my mind, and I have to assume it isn't a purposeful ommitance. Rather, he just is being human. I certainly don't consider others all the time or perfectly in every situation.

So, today's dare is to eliminate any unrealistic expectations and to promise your spouse you will be more accepting in any area you identify (and seek forgiveness if you have been discouraging them).

I think many couples struggle with unrealistic expectations, which is why divorce rates are so high. We all married fallen human beings, so we can't expect more than that. We need to forgive, encourage and admonish when biblically necessary. How marriages would change if we lived in a way where we die to self and consider our spouse more! Imagine!

Love Dare: Day 26

2009-11-30T10:21:00.000-08:00

Today's chapter is called "Love is Responsible." It is a biggie. It is all about having a good attitude about criticism that comes your way and always asking for forgiveness for any wrongdoing that is your own (regardless of what your spouse has done).

This is a big challenge for me. I don't easily say "I'm sorry." It hasn't been something I've done well in any manner with anyone, and, though I'm working on it and recognize it, it is a hard chapter for me.

Ryan and I both have trouble saying I'm sorry first. We are both fairly defensive and more concerned about what the other person has done. This chapter reminds us that we need to FIRST be concerned with repenting of our own wrongdoing. Get the plank out of our own eye.

The dare today is to prayerfully consider any wrong I have done in my marriage (for which I haven't yet taken responsibility) and to seek Ryan's forgiveness for it. Pray that I will do this and really search my heart. I know I have a lot of room for growth in this area!

Love Dare: Day 25

2009-11-29T14:27:00.000-08:00

Today's dare chapter is entitled "Love Forgives." This is near and dear to my heart. Leading a marriage ministry with my husband, we see many marriages which can't be repaired because one participant or both is unwilling to practice forgiveness. Anger, bitterness and hurt imprison us when we choose to hold onto them. The initial feelings of hurt we felt dissipate and we are trapped with sinful feelings of bitterness and anger. We must choose to let this go and choose to move forward in forgiving and loving our spouse, even when they don't deserve this kindness. We only hurt ourselves when we act contrary to what God desires.

First and foremost we need to remember what God did for us. While we were enemies and while we were sinners, God DIED for us and suffered for OUR sins. Nothing our spouses do to us can match what God faced because of us. We are recipients of this grace, and yet we hold onto much lesser wrongs our spouse commits. We expect them to overlook grievances we do and then we punish them for as long as it takes until we feel they have paid for their wrong--but do we ever actually feel it was paid for? The answer is no. At some point we have to choose to forgive and give the justice to God. Otherwise, our lack of satisfaction at true justice eats us alive and piles bitterness upon bitterness.

The dare today is to think of ANYTHING you haven't forgiven in your spouse and to let it go. This might be something BIG--an affair, lies, emotional abuse. This might be something smaller--lack of attention, forgetting an important event, not living their role in the marriage. This might be something trivial--they accidentally hurt your feelings, they didn't say the right thing, or they left a task undone and you had to do it.

Whatever you haven't forgiven, pray God would release it from your heart, feel the relief of letting God deal with any wrongs, and choose to live your marital role in a godly manner.

Love Dare: Day 24

2009-11-28T13:23:00.000-08:00

Today's lesson was on Love vs. Lust. It was about how our eyes see something, our hearts desire it, and then we act on it in sin. This can apply to sexual material, but, as it clearly states in this chapter, this can be anything--a new material thing, a position of authority, a job, a relationship, money and affluence, etc.

The chapter goes on to explain the love and lust are polar opposites. Love is being content and choosing to honor the other person above yourself. Lust is selfish and all consuming. It is the definition of not having contentment.

The dare today is to identify any object of lust in your life and remove it. I know in the Fireproof movie, this is where the main character smashes his computer because he was addicted to pornography. For me, this is a good reminder to check my heart for contentment and make sure no yearning for "more" of anything is in my life--being more thin, more recognition, ANYTHING. I need to check for balance and contentment, for even as I make goals that are not sinful, they must not consume me.

Love Dare: Day 23

2009-11-27T16:14:00.001-08:00

Ryan and I took the boys and spent almost a week in the Las Vegas area. Despite Ryan getting the 24 hour stomach flu, we had a good time, but I'm WAY behind on my love dare days. So, let's get crackin'!

Today's dare is Love Protects. It talks about taking any harmful influences out of your marriage that undermine it. This could be harmful friends, things that build unrealistic expectations like movies or novels, lustful viewing or temptations, etc. I also liked that it mentioned keeping any vulnerabilites you know in your spouse private. You are to protect them in public and never speak down about your spouse to others--especially using weaknesses that you are privy to witness at home.

The dare is to get rid of any harmful influences that are in our marriages and lives. Ryan and I have set up boundaries in this area, and we hope to always work to protect our marriage against sinful influences. I for sure could work on always building up my spouse! I know I can jest about him in ways that might hurt his feelings, so my goal today is to be more careful about how I speak about Ryan around others. I want him to be encouraged and built up by my words!

Love Dare: Day 22

2009-11-19T13:41:00.000-08:00

Today is Ryan's birthday! Happy birthday, love! What a blessing he is in my life.

Today's chapter is called Love is faithful. It speaks of God's unconditional, redeeming love, as illustrated so well in the life of Hosea and Gomer in the Bible. Though we fall short and did nothing to deserve God's love, He forgives and chooses to love us faithfully.

This is the crux of marriage. We should be faithful to our spouse--choosing to love them each and every day, not because they earn our love, but because we choose to commit to them and love them. This is the problem with so many marriages ending in divorce--there is no concept of faithfulness in love. People love only if it is earned. This is inevitably a failing way to run a marriage.

The dare for today is to tell your spouse you love them, you will always love them, and you choose to love them even if they don't want to love you back.

Love Dare: Day 21

2009-11-17T14:21:00.001-08:00

Yesterday, we had a fantastic family day at Knott's Berry Farm. It was great to be out together, but I didn't have a chance to post for the Love Dare. So, we will continue today. The chapter today is called "Love is satisfied in God." It reminds us that our spouses will disappoint, but God never does. The dare goes on to ask that the reader start a steady quiet time each day.

I grew up in a church that really didn't focus on quiet time, and I believe my spiritual maturity suffered because of it. Once I realized the need for daily Bible reading and prayer, I noticed a pattern of growth in my walk. How can I know the Bible, apply it to my life, and use the Word of God to live godly in Christ Jesus if I am not studying it, learning it and meditating upon it?

So, this is a great chapter dare! If you haven't done your quiet time today, stop reading blogs and go read the Word of God!

Love Dare: Day 20

2009-11-15T15:39:00.001-08:00

Okay, so I'm half way there! This really isn't as hard as I thought. It helps that I have good friends doing this too and I'm being held accountable.

Today's chapter is the second half of the gospel chapters, and it is called "Love is Jesus Christ." I already voiced my concerns with how we must carefully present the gospel yesterday. The only additional concern I had today was that the idea of "rededication" was suggested. If you fall away from your faith and any attempt to live with God as Lord for an extended period of time, then you probably can know you were never in true saving faith. You were dating Christ, but you never fully made the commitment to Him. I was like that. Rededication isn't in the Bible. It is a cultural term we have created so that people can think they became Christians as young kiddos. What happens usually is we grow up in the church and obey our parents. We go away to college and "rebel" to certain degrees. Our theology changes and we start to even recognize we are living for ourselves and pleasure rather than God. Anyway, time goes on, life gets hard, and we realize we do need Christ in our lives after all. When we truly submit to him, lay down our pursuit of pleasure and ourselves, then we have come to a full acceptance of what the cross means to our sinful selves. This is the true point of conversion.

Anyway, that is my only beef today. : ) You have to be so careful with the gospel!

I agree with the title and the main point! Love is Christ Jesus. He is the source of love. Without Him in our lives, we cannot agape love others! Thank you, Christ, for giving me the example of how to love Ryan!

Love Dare: Day 19

2009-11-14T10:53:00.000-08:00

Love is impossible. That was the title of today's chapter. It sounds kind of negative, doesn't it? Well, the point of the chapter was to bring the reader to the realization that love, agape style, IS impossible without God. He is the giver of this kind of love, and if you do not have a relationship with Him, you cannot be demonstrating this love to your spouse on a regular basis.

I had a slight issue with this chapter, because it is beginning to unfold the gospel message to the reader. However, it is starting in a way I personally find unproductive--focusing on God's love without exposing the sin that needs His love to forgive. The chapter promises that you will be able to have agape love for your spouse if you have God "in your heart." Though this is not false, it is a feel good message before the really bad news has been delivered.

I grew up in a few churches, but the one we attended during my formative years of junior high and high school was a church that had a feel good gospel. God is love, accept God into your heart, God loves everyone, etc. There was no mention of repentance, isolation and being an enemy of God because of my sin, the reason for the cross is not just love but PAYMENT to a just God for the sins of mankind, and a life of obedience and sanctification after the repentance and faith. There was no fruit check to really see if we were in Christ. I believe I wasn't. I thought I was. I couldn't explain my pattern of behavior, though.

It wasn't until I truly saw my capability for rebellion against God, choosing sin over righteousness and seeing a pattern of bad choices that I realized how corrupt my flesh was. I wasn't breaking the law or doing anything the world sees as horrible, but I wasn't living according to God's Word. I was an enemy of God. I had to SUBMIT to Him, repent and admit my sinful status, and OBEY Him. This didn't happen until I was just graduating from college.

God isn't as concerned about life being easy and wonderful for us as He is about our eternal state. He is concerned about our holiness and obedience to Him. We must lose our lives to gain them.

Anyway, the love is important, but it has to be put in context when giving people the gospel message.

So, the dare today is to think of the times I've found a dare of agape love hard to do on my own. I would say my flesh struggles with the idea of not being irritated by stress and then taking that out on my family and Ryan. That day was a day I needed to draw my strength from God the most. When I tried to do it on my own, I failed. When I submitted to Him and denied my own desires, it was WAY easier. Denying oneself isn't popular or easy, but God commands it.

Today we are going out for Ryan's birthday dinner--just us. It will be a nice break for us and a good chance to talk and celebrate the blessing He is to me. I am so thankful for my husband!

Love Dare: Day 18

2009-11-13T20:55:00.001-08:00

Today was hard. We both woke up grouchy. The boys were up an hour earlier than normal, and even though I prayed before I got them, I was tired (still getting energy back from the flu) and I woke up to a lot of e-mails from our marriage ministry. Ryan was tired from Thrive the night before and cut it close on getting up with time to get to work. Since he was running late, he had little time or patience for the whining boys and my slow self this morning. Having been cooped up with the boys for three days while we get rid of germs hasn't helped. We are all stir crazy and crabby.

Sound familiar? I'm sure we've all been there. So, today was hard. I wasn't feeling warm fuzzies toward Ryan when he called during the day to remind me to do calls or e-mails. I wasn't exactly thrilled at all the posts I read on Facebook about how so and so's husband brought them coffee and took the kids downstairs so she could sleep in . . . Doesn't it seem like Satan sends a bunch of those status updates on the mornings we are disgruntled? Ugh.

However, I really struggled and fought to stay positive today. I decided to choose to be happy with the things that were great, and when I was able to focus, I did much better. God was faithful when I was obedient to quit pouting. I'm not saying I didn't sin and have some moments of self-pity. I have to always remember I'm not entitled to anything, and God's grace is sufficient. Entitlement--there is another post.

So, today's love dare is on understanding your spouse. It talked about how we study one another when we are dating, but we don't really have in depth conversations or try to better know our spouse once our marriage is settled.

Ryan and I spend a lot of time together, and I would say we know a lot about each other's lives and activities. I know what his fears, hopes and dreams are. However, where we rush and hate to spend time is in the immediate needs. In the rush of life and our tiredness, I think we don't want to see the exhaustion in our spouse, because that would mean stopping and talking or helping. We overlook the frustration in the short response we get because we just don't want to deal with something we might have said that bothered them. We are selfish in our own trials, and marriages can sometimes get derailed through lack of stopping and really being open to listening to your spouse--to really listening, encouraging and thinking about their immediate needs.

That is why today's dare is awesome. It says to cook a romantic dinner at home and have the kids out of the house. Well, Ryan is out tonight with a Thrive activity. (I'm still in quarantine with the boys and stayed home). However, I am going to put a date on the calendar and do this. We don't need to have a restaurant. I'll get nice steaks, make his favorite potatoes and dessert. I think I'll even dream up a little game of questions to get the communication flowing about the here and now needs of Ryan. It will be a good night of getting to understand my spouse better.

Oh, and for the hard day--it is almost over. Thank goodness God's mercy is new EVERY morning!

Love Dare: Day 17

2009-11-12T15:30:00.000-08:00

So, I'm one day behind now. I came down with the stomach flu yesterday, and today we are recovering at home and Lysoling everything in the house. Thank you, Lord, for the conveniences of a washing machine, disinfectants and HOT, HOT water for cleaning.

Today's dare is about how love is intimate. It wasn't talking about the physical relationship between you and your spouse, but it was talking about emotional intimacy. A lot of the focus was on being able to safely share things with your spouse and not feel judged or like the thing you are sharing might be unfairly used against you.

I know Ryan does a great job of letting me share anything with him. All my yucky struggles I immediately share with him--he encourages me and prays for me. He always follows up and asks me how I am doing in an area I've shared with him. He's learned he doesn't have to always fix it--though he gives GREAT advice. Sometimes I just want him to listen. He's always my advocate. I pray I do the same for him. I really do think we do a good job in this area, but it is good to be aware that this needs to be protected and kept strong.

The dare was to pray for secrets your spouse has shared with you. Also, if you are struggling to love your spouse because of any issues or secrets, to resolve to love them despite this. Also, listen to your spouse when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you, so they feel safe. Good advice for sure!

Love Dare: Day 16

2009-11-10T11:14:00.000-08:00

So today's chapter is how love intercedes. In other words, it speaks about the importance of praying for your spouse! I've read the book The Power of a Praying Wife, and I pray for Ryan every day through my prayer journal. However, I like the idea that this chapter presented: pick 3 specific areas on which to pray for your spouse. When I looked at this challenge, I started brainstorming what areas I wanted to include, and I realized I am not praying enough for Ryan. I am his closest advocate, and he needs prayer from me! I need to pray he is protected from temptation at work, pray he continues to lead our family biblically, pray for boldness to witness, pray for a soft heart when it comes to giving up time, pray for endurance and strength when he works hard, pray for encouragement at work and ministry, pray for wisdom when trials surface, etc., etc. That isn't even the tip of the iceburg! Needless to say, I am excited to be more purposeful in my praying for Ryan. I am to intercede for him in prayer because I choose to love him!!

Love Dare: Day 15

2009-11-09T20:13:00.001-08:00

Today's chapter was about honoring your spouse and setting them apart as special. When I think about the specifics that go into showing honor to your spouse, I know I fall short. I respect Ryan and even show love, but I don't often think about how I can HONOR him.

To honor Ryan, I considered his time more important than my own. I honored him by putting Carter and Micah to bed (I usually only put Micah to bed) so he could get a bunch of stuff done on the computer. He was very appreciative and got a lot finished!

Love Dare: Day 14

2009-11-08T15:55:00.001-08:00

Today's chapter talks about the choice we make to take DELIGHT in our spouse! We might be tired of their needs or desire alone time, but we need to choose to delight in who they are and who God gave us.

I know that sometimes Ryan gets home from work and I am SPENT! The boys have nagged all day, Micah is needing to be held continually, and nothing I wanted to accomplish is finished. I am not prone to smile and delight in him when he says, "Let's talk about Thrive game ideas" or "Do you want to play a board game?" I want to go VEG in front of the computer or TV and have personal space time for a bit. He, however, has the opposite need. He's been at work missing his family all day, and his reward for all his work is to come home and spend time with all of us.

SO, today's dare is to drop a project I wanted to get done today and spend time doing what Ryan wants--something with him. This actually already happened today. We got the boys down for naps, and I had about 5 things I wanted to do on the computer. WELL, he wanted to create some game ideas for the Thrive Christmas party and talk about a future vacation. So, I put ordering Christmas cards on hold for the day and helped him think of game ideas for Thrive. It was time well spent, and I'll totally be able to order Christmas cards another day. : )

Love Dare: Day 13

2009-11-07T15:37:00.000-08:00

Well, Ryan and I fight as all couples do, but thanks to Christ in our lives, it happens few and far between. Today's love dare is about having healthy rules of engagement when you are fighting with one another. Ryan and I have talked about this before. At different times, different suggestions have been given. Here are some good rules of engagement that we like:

--Don't fight in public.

--Tell the person you need a break because you are not able to practice self control if you are feeling out of control, BUT don't walk away until you've asked permission to take a break.

--stick to the issue at hand (no bunny trails)

--Admit your own part/insecurities in the problem

--Try not to fight in front of the kiddos

--Don't disagree on discipline for the kids in front of them

--Don't use raised voices

--Give the benefit of the doubt to the other person

--Don't do the silent treatment--communicate.

--Have restitution as soon as possible and pray at the end of a discussion.

Love Dare: Day 12

2009-11-06T10:15:00.000-08:00

Well, I forgot to make the waffles for Ryan yesterday, so today I got up and made waffles for him. He really enjoyed the family time and the extra special breakfast, so it was worth it!

Today's love dare is about disagreements in your marriage. The chapter talks about how many disagreements are fueled by our selfish stubborness. We refuse to compromise or give in to our spouse. There are issues we won't necessarily agree upon, but there definitely are little disagreements throughout the day that blow up into bigger issues due to our unbending attitude. Does this strike a cord? It does with me. Which direction we should have gone to get there faster, what outfit would have been better to wear or put on the boys, where we should eat, what we should do with our family time, what vacation to take, how we read a person's disposition and why one person was offended and the other wasn't (guess which applies to which one of us--HA!), etc, etc, etc.

Today's dare is to choose a disagreement between you and your spouse and willingly give in and concede to your spouse's opinion. This requires humility, which isn't always easy! Weekends are a great time to practice this, as we are around each other all the time and disagreements undoubtedly arise. So, I'll fill you in once this dare has been completed!

Love Dare: Day 11

2009-11-05T10:19:00.000-08:00

Today's focus is that love cherishes. The chapter started out with a great illustration. First there is the scenario of a man whose car has fallen into disrepair and needs extremely expensive fixes and is unreliable. If he gets rid of the car and gets a new one, we'd totally understand. Secondly, there is a man who crushes his hand in a work accident. It needs costly surgery and therapy to nurse it back to health. He willingly does all this and does not chop off his hand because it is not at full potential. Many people view marriage like the FIRST scenario. If it isn't working for you, get rid of it and get a newer model. This is so sad.

So, my dare to cherish my husband is to do a chore or task for him that needs to get done. I'm going online today to order pictures from Costco for him. He hates doing this and looked VERY relieved when I said I'd take over the task of uploading photos and ordering them. Hopefully I don't mess it up!

Love Dare: Day 10

2009-11-04T15:40:00.000-08:00

Wow! I can't believe we are 1/4 of the way through the Love Dare book. This has been fun! Some moments have been hard or painful to realize, but I love being able to think about blessing Ryan each day.

Today's lesson is on unconditional love: agape. Remember that list you made about your spouse. Imagine if every good quality they exhibit slowly disappeared. They no longer were good dads. They lost their job and didn't provide. They stopped doing the bills and being the planner for the family. Etc., etc.,etc. What if there was nothing to love at all?

In the world's eyes, that is the end of the relationship. In God's eyes, nothing has changed, because agape isn't based on anything but choosing to love. There are no conditions or qualities one must have to be loved. Though, as a Christian, I've heard this numerous times, this was convicting in how sometimes I justify treating Ryan badly because he has hurt me or has done something unloving. Yuck.

So today's dare is to do something above and beyond for your spouse that shows them you are choosing to love them today. Girls: wash the car, do the yardwork he does normally, buy him his favorite dessert pack his lunch. Boys: fold the laundry, get up early with the kids and let her sleep, or do some cleaning she normally does. I haven't decided what I'll do. I don't normally pack Ryan's lunch, but perhaps I'll get up early with him and make him homemade waffles tomorrow. He just washed his car, but that would have been a GREAT one! I'll file that idea away for later. : )

Love Dare: Day 9

2009-11-03T16:08:00.001-08:00

So before my major issues on Saturday and being irritable, Ryan was digging my new attitude and actions. I even got surprise flowers from Ryan on Saturday morning! It is so true that your attitude affects others!

I love today's dare, because I need to work on it desperately. We've talked about it a million times, but the way I greet my husband when he walks in the door sets the tone for the evening. I can welcome him with a smile and hug and full attention, or I can be grumpy, yelling at the kids and complaining (which is often the case, sadly). So, the dare today is to have a loving, wonderful greeting waiting for Ryan when he walks in the door. I need to make him feel valued by me and missed while he was gone. These things are true, so I can reflect this in my greeting. One way I can have a loving greeting is by planning dinner so I'm not stressed when he walks in the door. So, I'm off to cook with plenty of time to spare!

Love Dare: Day 8

2009-11-02T17:40:00.000-08:00

Writing the negatives and positives list yesterday was really interesting. I didn't enjoy thinking about all the negatives about my spouse, but it was a great exercise to be writing about all of Ryan's strengths. It made me appreciate him more! Before bed, I thanked him for being such a hard worker and provider for our family.

Today, I was supposed to burn the negatives list, but I didn't want to start a fire, so I ripped it up and threw it away. A wife is supposed to be a husband's biggest fan, and negativity cannot take root in a marriage. Today's lesson was about not being jealous of your spouse, but it is important to encourage them and celebrate any success they encounter. To be honest, this didn't really strike a cord with me. I can't imagine being jealous of Ryan getting a raise, having people tell him he did a good job on a sermon, or of him finishing a running race for which he has been training. Whenever Ryan is successful, I am so proud of him! I know I should never say I'm above a sin, though. That is when Satan uses our pride to cause us to fall. So, I am happy to be Ryan's fan and celebrate his achievements.

I am supposed to also tell Ryan about how glad I am of a success he has had recently. I do need to work on this! Though I might not be jealous, I need to be a constant encourager--even in the little things!

Fall Fest 09

2009-11-01T15:38:00.001-08:00

Every year, our church hosts a community outreach called Fall Fest on Halloween. It is a large scale carnival with free rides, food, games, entertainment, etc. Each year it gets bigger and better, and each year the crowds hear about it and more and more people come. We love the growth, as that means more people hear about Compass Bible Church and might come to church if they don't have a home church! Last year about 5,000 people came, and this year there were about 7,800 people.

Carter was so excited this year! He looked quite dapper in his Buzz Lightyear costume with blinking wing lights. He squealed in delight as we were let into the event, and we went to the swings, big slide and cars first thing. This year they had a toddler lot that was awesome! It was less crowded, but they still had free food, pony rides, a train, bounce houses, bumper cars and lots more. Our ministry, Thrive, had a band that played at the event, and they were awesome.

Micah was in awe of all the noise, lights, crowds and excitement. He wasn't a fan of his hot octopus outfit or his late dinner, but he'll enjoy it more next year.

Enjoy some pics!

Love Dare: Day 7

2009-11-01T15:33:00.000-08:00

Okay, I didn't do so well at not being irritated. I am glad I have many days to work on this. I had failed about an hour after I read the chapter, and then the crowds at Fall Fest, a hyper 3 year old and a crabby 7 month old, and eating dinner at 8pm did me in. I'm not excusing it, but I'm setting the scene to show you how irritated I probably was. Ugh. I'll keep plugging away at that and asking for forgiveness when I fall short.

Today's dare is to write two lists about your spouse. Each will be used later, separately in the love dare days. I am to write a list of all the negative things about Ryan and then a list of all the positive things about Ryan. After I am done, I need to pick one positive thing about Ryan and tell him today that I appreciate that characteristic of his!

Love Dare: Day 6

2009-10-31T08:49:00.001-07:00

Well, I asked Ryan what 3 things I do that irritate him the most, and he laughed and thought I was joking! : ) Once he realized I wasn't, he was a little nervous to answer me, but I finally got 2 good suggestions out of him. I'm filing them away in my head and making a point to work on them.

Today's Love Dare is about being irritable--ouch. I think these are getting harder and harder. I'd have to say this is a big area of sin for me. When I'm having a bad day, I don't think I throw up my hands and quit doing what I need to do, I just do everything that day with a huge dose of irritability and impatience. It isn't pretty folks.

So, today I have been dared to react to tough circumstances in loving ways instead of with irritation. I also need to add margin to my schedule so I don't get irritable from stress. Finally, the dare asks me to see if I have any greed, lust, bitterness or other selfish sin that is leading to so much irritability. Zoinks.

Pray for me. Weekends are often the hardest for my irritability sin, since the normal routine is off and Ryan might handle the kids differently than I do all week. Also, I'm getting less sleep and having less alone time. I'll have to think about my schedule and how I can add margin to it. I think leaving for any appointment five minutes earlier than planned is going to help A LOT. I get so irritable when we are late for anything. I know I'm selfish with my time and energy, so I need to work on being more sacrificial in those areas.

I'll let you know if I was less irritable when I post tomorrow!

Love Dare: Day 5

2009-10-30T15:36:00.000-07:00

Reflecting on yesterday's dare, I'm trying to put more time and thought into Ryan's birthday than panicking and going to the mall the weekend before his birthday. So, Micah, Carter and I went and got him a few things today. I'm still haven't found any "wow" items to get him. He asked mainly for clothes. If you have any ideas, let me know! I'm thinking!

Today's dare is called "Love is not Rude." It talks about bad habits of rudeness we demonstrate to our spouse at home. The chapter says that women usually demonstrate rudeness in our quarrelsome attitude and words. Me, quarrelsome? ahem. Maybe sometimes. So, this dare is a zinger. You have to ask your spouse what are three things you do that cause them to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You cannot argue or defend yourself. You just have to listen. It also says that if you are thinking, "I wish my spouse would ask me this so I could tell him/her about how he/she . . .", then you are in dire need of hearing about your own flaws. : )

This isn't easy to do, but I really do need to work on things that irritate Ryan. So, I'll let you know how it goes!

Love Dare: Day 4

2009-10-29T10:55:00.000-07:00

Today's focus was on thoughtfulness. In reading the chapter, I was convicted of how I have changed in thinking about blessing my spouse since we were dating. I was always planning dates, dinners to cook, items to purchase for him, cards to write, etc. when we were dating. Now, I am even scrambling to think about what he should get for his BIRTHDAY! Yikes! Life gets busier with kids, but it doesn't mean we should move our purposeful thoughts of blessing our husband to the end of our list. Today's dare is to contact my husband and ask him how he is doing and what I could do to help/bless him--without any other agenda or conversation about kids, plans, etc. This is something we do regularly, but the chapter reminded me that I need to be more purposeful in how I am thoughtful toward Ryan.

Love Dare: Day 2 and 3

2009-10-28T20:38:00.001-07:00

Well, yesterday's dare was to continue using kind words and to also do something unexpectedly kind in action for your spouse. The chapter talked about kindness not just being patience (defensive) but also offensive action demonstrating kindness. My unexpected action was going to be to give Ryan a backrub without getting one in return. We do backrubs almost nightly, but we always both get one--except on birthdays when the person of honor gets one without giving one. Anyway, I ate something bad and spent the night in the fetal position on the couch. So, tonight, I am giving Ryan the backrub. : )

Today, day 3, the dare is to buy your spouse something to show them you are thinking of them. The root of this dare is to fight my propensity toward selfishness and be thinking of my spouse over myself. Today we went to Sea World and I didn't get to buy anything, but tomorrow I am going to go buy Ryan a chocolate chip muffin at the store. He loves to have a special treat for breakfast. It helps him have something fun when he has to get up for work, and he loves chocolate chip muffins.

Okay, I'm off to give my special someone a back rub! Goodnight!

The Love Dare: Day 1

2009-10-27T10:41:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday was the beginning of The Love Dare. I'm surprising Ryan with 40 days in the Love Dare and seeing how long it takes him to figure out I'm doing this. Two of my girlfriends are also doing this to their husbands, and we are holding each other accountable to finishing. Yesterday, I had to watch my words and not say anything negative to Ryan--not a complaint, not a gripe, not a "I told you so", not even correction if I knew I was right and he was wrong. It was a great dare, as I had been very frustrated with little things/mistakes Ryan was doing/making and was making sure to point out to him all of his mistakes. He, of course, didn't appreciate my highlighting his errors. So, this was a timely exercise. I think I did fairly well. Last night he took the boys to the pumpkin patch while I met with the ladies in Thrive leadership. I was wincing as he marched Carter out in a T-shirt and Micah had on a thin sleeper. Without overtly complaining, though, I was able to stuff some jackets and a stroller blanket in the car, and the situation was remedied without me dumping negativity on Ryan.

If you haven't seen the movie, Fireproof, and you are married, I highly recommend it! It will better explain the idea of the love dare. You don't need to be in marital disrepair to do the love dare. Think of it as a PX90 for marriage--only of shorter duration and of greater worth!

Just Right

2009-10-20T15:26:00.000-07:00

Jeremiah 1:5
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; Before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."

The above Bible verse is what God tells Jeremiah when He tells him to prophesy to Jerusalem. Jeremiah isn't excited about the vocation God has chosen for him, but God doesn't listen to his excuses and sends him anyway.
Why is the Biblical story of an Old Testament prophet on my mind?
Well, I just had Carter's first school conference. Having taught kids for 9 years, I was greatly curious as to how Carter would do in a school setting. It was odd to sit on the other side of the table for the first time, watching the teacher start out with every good attribute of the child and carefully tread into the areas of consternation and concern.
As every mom knows, we definitely don't get the child we assume will be ours. I imagined a son who liked to read, would sit quietly at books and board games like I did, and a quiet little thing who had to shyly be coaxed to talk to strangers. Carter is just about as opposite a person to that as possible. He came into this world with a fuss, and he hasn't let up since.
Being an educator, I never thought I would get the child who had issues focusing in class. I don't mean behavioral issues, though that pops up from time to time for sure. I mean that he has developmentally not succeeded in listening or focusing, though his little body tries as hard as he can.
At home, we have tried consequences and rewards to get him to listen to and repeat to us what we discuss in his children's Bible story for the night. Repetition helps, but he squirms and tears up with his inability to truly hear and repeat what we say. After Sunday School, Carter needs much prompting to recall what he was taught 5 minutes ago in class. The promise of or denial of a donut after class does little to affect the outcome of our questions. The teacher at his preschool has recognized he is behind his peers in being able to focus and listen in class. It is frustrating to no end, but I was reminded of this verse above after the school conference for Carter.
God made Carter. He made him to bring glory to Himself and to carry out His will and plan in Carter's life and our lives. Carter is who he is--from his attention deficit to his high level of activity, from his deep and hearty laughs to his heartfelt sobs of pain; from his love for sports to his dislike of haircuts--because God PLANNED his personality.
Who knows, someday Carter's lack of active listening skills might bring him to decide on a profession that better glorifies God than one he might have chosen otherwise. He might have to enter a unique schooling situation that brings him to repentance and faith! We don't know why God makes each of us the way we are made, but we know it is in no way an accident. There is a larger plan unfolding than tidy school conferences and perfect report cards.
Carter's sinful choices? Well, that is in no way God's plan, but we are slowly heart training Carter to die to himself so that God may oneday live in Him, if that is in God's will. And though people choose sinfully, God even uses those choices to further His will. As Joseph tells his brothers in one of my favorite verses, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genesis 50:20 God's will and plan is not derailed by our sin.
So, Carter isn't a perfect student, but he is fearfully and wonderfully made. I sure am thankful for my sweet, joyful, and enthusiastic three year old. We are watching his focus issues more closely for possible needed interventions or diagnosis, and we are thanking God that Carter is exactly who God created him to be. Because each little quirk I might find odd or frustrating is being smiled upon by his Heavenly Father. He made Carter just right in order to bring glory to Himself. At the end of the day, I know that is all that matters.

Creative Outlets

2009-10-17T20:00:00.000-07:00

If you are reading this post, you are partaking in one of my creative outlets--writing. It is no secret in my family that I like to be creative. When I was little, I loved to sing, play the piano and draw. As I got older, I liked dance, which I used in cheerleading and drill team. I've dabbled in decorating, sewing, knitting, sketching, music, dance, cooking, gardening, painting, and just about every creative outlet. Often, however, my attention span isn't long for anything. Once I figure out how to do something, I move to my next challenge. My favorites are probably writing, sketching, and cooking. However, I've decided to try another new area. Due to my active kiddos and my affinity for trying new things, I've decided to save up for a DSLR camera. I love to take pictures with my point and shoot, especially portrait pictures. However, the P&S camera has obvious limitations, especially with two active boys who hold poses for .2 seconds. I'm very excited about my future purchase, and I'll see how well I do with it. If you have any camera suggestions or suggestions about photography, leave me a comment!

Surprise!

2009-09-30T10:09:00.001-07:00

Last week was my 35th birthday, and my dear, sweet husband and family threw me a surprise party. My husband was rightfully concerned that I would find out about the party, as I'm the girl who always knows how the movie twist will end less than half way through the movie. He did a great job not raising my suspicions, however, and I was very surprised!
On Saturday, we were going to go on a date night to celebrate my birthday with a steak dinner and a movie. We drove over to my in-laws to drop off the kids, and I was met with 40 or so of my closest friends and family.
Ryan decided to do a romantic, fancy party--with twinkle lights all over the yard, Italian food from Marios, candles on the tables, and Italian grapes decorating the cake, napkins and plates. It was wonderful! I loved every detail. He even had a caricature artist who drew pictures of the guests. We played a "How well do you know Chiara" game, which my sister in law won! There were pictures of me from birth to present hanging all over the house and flashing on the television. There I was in all my prom, cheerleading, adolescent glory! We got a few laughs from those pictures and memories.
My mom ordered a lemon cake from It's All About the Cake. It had the most beautiful, green grape vines, gold dusted leaves and purple grapes woven all across the fondant. I will be sure to post pictures when I get them. Unfortunately, we didn't get pictures on our camera, so I'm waiting to get some from family who were kind enough to document the event for me.
Really, what I liked the most was the fact that I had friends and family all together with me for the evening. Each season in my life has been important for its own reasons. However, I have to say that the current one has been one of my favorites. God has been very good to me, and that evening was a potent reminder of that fact!

Purely a Little Nostalgia

2009-08-29T09:06:00.000-07:00

I'm blessed to live within half an hour of any place I lived as a child. In fact, just the other day, I was feeling nostalgic and took Carter to play in my forest park in Lake Forest. It is a huge patch of Eucalyptus trees planted in the 1900's to deal with a shortage of lumber in California. They were never cut, and our houses were built around the natural edge of the forest. I call it "my" forest park because I spent many Saturdays catching tadpoles in the creek, swinging on the tree swing and picking blackberries from random bushes and eating them--sorry mom and dad, but I guess they were not poisonous. It was my private little kingdom, an escape from the heat of the day and a quiet place where the neighborhood kids, my sister and I could run, shout, splash and giggle to our hearts' content. We'd run around for hours under the canopy of Eucalyptus trees, adventuring and exploring.
One of my favorite spots in the forest was the horse stable. It was a small, friendly little stable area that always smelled like baking hay and that glorious, sweet smell that is perfectly equine. Like every other little girl, I'd pet the horses and dream of what my own horse would be and how graceful and amazing I would feel as I rode it. Along the course of the stable was a fairly wide and vivacious creek, which would occupy many of our hours with bridge building, skipping rocks, racing sticks and catching tadpoles. The creek ran along the length of the forest, and deep in the dark recesses of the mighty Eucalyptus was the best park a kid could ever find. It was made out of lincoln log type wood poles. Along with swings and a slide, it had a zip line, a tire swing and high platforms to climb. It was a hybrid between a park and a living extension of the forest around it. Needless to say, changes in what defines Orange County and state safety laws keep them from building parks like that anymore.
I took Carter and Micah to see this special spot. I knew it had changed, but it was a little sad to see the reality of those twenty five years since I'd run around there. The forest had been thinned tremendously, and it had been cleared completely where the park had been. They completely tore down my lincoln log looking playset and replaced it with proper-looking, refined play structures--resin platforms, clean swings and bright slides that looked as if they had nothing to do with the forest around them. Dirt paths in the forest had been manicured and paved, with fit joggers running by periodically. A cement path led to the stables, which had been fenced around, no longer allowing strangers to randomly enter and enjoy the horses. I had only a quick peek at the creek, because Carter was afraid to leave the cement and enter the untamed, dirt path that wound through some bushes to get there. It was still wide and apparent, but it was stagnant and dark--mossy and a bit foreboding. I wonder if it runs over the rocks, singing water songs in the winter, when the water is high?
The forest park probably appeared as different as I do if someone were to compare the thirty-four year old me to the little eight-year old who skipped through the leaves in the forest. There is a hidden resemblance that you can unexplicably see, but more has changed than remained the same. So, it isn't "my" forest anymore. I am sure it is a great park, but it is safe, tamed and a little less grand. The best part of the visit was the smell of the Eucalyptus trees. That hasn't changed. I took a deep breath of the forest air--peppery, with a little hint of sweet perfume. I smiled, and I was eight again.

A Life not a Season: Growing in the Knowledge of God

2009-08-12T22:02:00.000-07:00

I was chuckling to myself the other day as I realized how my life stage is clearly explained by the channel I most frequent on the television. When I was a single adult, I would watch AMC (American Movie Classics) for hours on end, deliciously dreaming of which romantic Gary Cooper God would send into my life. Once I was married, I was obsessed with the Food Network, saving savory recipes to try out on my hubby as I domesticated myself. That was the first year I ever had to diet. A year after we married, we bought a house, and the television was often focused on the HGTV (Home and Garden Television) network. I watched "Trading Spaces" and other shows that taught me how to decorate on a dime, and I memorized the knocking and doorbell sounds on the show "House Hunters". When Ryan and I found out we were expecting our first baby, my attention turned to TLC (The Life Channel) and such shows as "A Baby Story" and "Bringing Home Baby." It might sound like I'm a fickle television viewer, but each stage was accurately framed by some informative and entertaining shows.

This made me think about how much effort I put into my Christian walk during different stages of life. Am I as equally focused on God during seasons of blessings as I am during trials? Do I hunger and thirst for God's Word when life is difficult and when circumstances are fairly smooth? I pray this answer is YES!

Truth be told, there is no season in which God should receive more attention than others. He should always be my priority. I am always to be growing in the knowledge of God. Colossians 1:10 tells us that we should, "live a LIFE worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, and growing in the knowledge of God." (emphasis mine) As this verse demonstrates, there isn't a season to grow and a season to flatline. As Christians, we are clearly told our LIFE is to be pleasing to Him. It is a LIFE to be characterized by the fruit of good works and growth in our knowledge of Him.

Sure it is tempting to say, "I just had a baby. I can let my quiet time fall to the wayside for a bit. It is just a season." Perhaps I stop serving in my church because "Life is so busy right now! God understands, and I'll serve when my time is more free." Another common argument is "I don't have to tithe if we are hurting financially. This is a season to save and cut back." Some even reason away attendance at church. "Work is so busy right now. We need family time on the weekends." All these arguments seem fairly rational in the world's eyes. However, they are not Biblical. For example, God commands us to serve with the gifts He has given. I Peter 4:10 "Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms." It is of utmost importance to be in God's Word and to pray. We are told to gather together with other Christians, especially as we get closer and closer to Christ's return (Hebrews 10:25). God tells us to give sacrificially from a heart that is overflowing with thanks. There is not any prolonged life season to stop these practices.

Next week I might enter a new life season and find myself watching a new television network. However, no matter what stage of life I navigate, may I find myself seeking God's will for me and growing in my knowledge of Him. Living for God is for a lifetime, not a season.

Micah is Five Months Old

2009-08-10T21:57:00.001-07:00

Micah is at a fun age. He is full of giggles, opinions and his little personality is starting to emerge. He loves his jumper, prefers to roll and scoot around on the floor rather than sit in any kind of chair or seat, and kicks his feet constantly. He eats his toes as a hobby, spits up a lot of food due to reflux and is very curious about his crazy big brother.

He stares INTENTLY when we eat, and I think he might be ready for rice cereal sooner than later. He isn't as great of a sleeper as Carter, and he is fairly fussy in the late afternoon and evening. However, he is content if people are in the room with him, and he is loving teething toys. The problem is he drops them constantly and cries until you pick it up for him.

He loves when I sing to him, and it melts my heart to see him smile joyfully at mommy when she walks into the room. It is great having a fan club, even if it is a toothless little boy with a drooling problem! : )

One Good Reason

2009-08-10T10:52:00.000-07:00

This is from the Proverbs 31 blog. I liked this read and thought I'd post it for you all to read:

One Good Reason
10 Aug 2009
Lisa Whittle, She Seeks Coordinator

"Live well, live wisely, live humbly. It's the way you live, not the way you talk, that counts." James 3:13 (MSG)

It all started with a girl named Debbie.

Debbie was about 18 when she attended my family's local Baptist church. I was 8 and entering an awkward stage. She was brunette and beautiful. All the boys wanted to date her, and all the girls wanted to be her. I just wanted her hair.

Debbie successfully got her hair to form glorious, sweeping cowlicks in the front, with perfection matched only by 70's singers on album covers. I admired it from afar, coveting its style. I bugged my mom so bad about wanting it, she finally decided to pick up the phone and ask Debbie how she did it. Seems a little Aqua Net and the blast of a hairdryer did the trick. At least for Debbie.

You may be interested to know that I never did achieve the style of my hair-icon Debbie. Apparently Debbie did not have fine hair such as mine. But boy did she give me a good reason to spray, tease and blow-dry my little heart out trying. She wore her hair so beautifully that I believed I would look just as beautiful if I had her style.

This silly childhood example reminds me of the very real influence we have on each other. Even as adults we see another woman's fashion style and we try to copy it. We watch another woman's success, and we try to match it. We want what others have…try to be what others are…and believe that we will be more and live better if we can only become like someone else.

The truth is, even though I want to be a trendsetter, an individualist, a unique woman with a mind of my own, I have to admit I am just as impressionable as the next person. Let's face it, no matter our age, we influence and are influenced by each other.

As ironic as this may sound, the thought of how impressionable we are gives me great hope as to how we can help other women find Jesus. I Corinthians 11:1 talks about the type of influence we can have on one another – a way of living that comes from within and attracts those around us to want what we have. "Imitate me, just as I imitate Christ," speaks directly to this type of Godly influence.

It's about wearing Christ with the authentic beauty of a heart that's been changed, giving other women a reason to want what we have. To look like we look. To live like we live. To be what we are. Make no mistake, our hurting girlfriends are looking for one good reason to change their lives. The reality is that our lives may be the only reason they find to seek out something different than what they have known. It's a beautiful, important responsibility.

May we always remember that our mission in life is not one of perfect hair or worldly achievement, but of living and breathing the message of Jesus Christ by our words, our actions, and most importantly, our life. May we embrace the privilege of imitating Christ, so that our girlfriends and others we have influence over will see something in us that they want desperately to have. May we wear Him well so His beauty is fully and completely represented.

For the influence we have through Him will last much longer than a fashion fad…a social trend…or even, a coveted hairstyle like Debbie's.

Let's have what they want, and show them how to get it.

Jesus, You are the reason to love, to live and to breathe. You alone make the journey possible. May we remember that we represent You always, and help us understand how to do that in such a way that it will lead others to a saving relationship with You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

San Diego

2009-07-29T19:29:00.000-07:00

This last week, we took a 4 day trip to San Diego. Like always, we stayed at the Embassy Suites by Sea Port Village (credit card points can be used there, and it is a very kid-friendly hotel). We were blessed with a corner room, so the living area where the boys slept was in the shape of an "L". It was perfect to separate them a little bit at night. Both boys were troopers and slept through the night during the whole trip!

We enjoyed two days at Sea World and then two days at Legoland. I had never been to Legoland, and it was fun to go somewhere new. Carter isn't quite tall enough to go on the rides he likes--the roller coasters. He could go on one smaller coaster called the Coastasaurus. We rode that ride about 7 or 8 times. At least at Disneyland, he has the Matterhorn and the Toon Town roller coaster.

We had quite a heatwave during our stay, but a plentitude of water areas in which to romp, several ice cream purchases and shady spots helped us to beat the heat. I don't think we've ever used that much sunscreen on one trip. Even I, who rarely burn (thanks to my Mexican genes), was reapplying suntan lotion numerous times throughout the day.

We had a great time, though now that the pregnany is over and Micah will be over one year next summer, we are ready for some REAL trips. Ryan has stars in his eyes just thinking of flying all over with the boys and me. Even I, Mrs. Homebody, am feeling ready for some bigger vacations next year. I think Ryan has gotten me hooked on traveling.

Enjoy looking at some trip pictures. We took some great ones of Shamu and Carter. The trainer walked by the tank as we were there and made the poor whale pose for us. Carter, who takes 10 minutes to both look at the camera and smile at the same time, was a real test for that obedient whale. I was impressed. Give that whale some fish!

Feminine Appeal and a Clean House

2009-07-17T07:45:00.000-07:00

This summer, I'm rereading Carolyn Mahaney's book called Feminine Appeal in order to study it with my Women's Bible Study small group. If you haven't read this book, I highly recommend it. You will be filled with encouragement and conviction as you read through the pages.
Mahaney focuses on Titus 2 and the seven virtues she extracts from that passage. To begin the book, Mahaney gives a general overview in chapter 1, and she gives the reader a very challenging assignment in the discussion questions at the end. She urges the woman reading to approach her husband and ask him which of the seven virtues she most lacks and needs to give the most attention.

The seven virtues upon which Mahaney focuses are loving our husbands and children, self control, purity, working at home, kindness, and submission. I was not very excited about asking Ryan where I lacked expertise, but, like a good student, I did my homework.

I was surprised and not surprised by Ryan's response. I think most husbands would talk about working on better loving them, submitting to them, or, most popular, adding some more time in the bedroom. Ryan, however, went right to working at home. He loves clean, organized, sparkling surroundings. He is microorganized and thrives when his surroundings are organized in every way too. I, on the other hand, am clean and macroorganized. I can deal with some piles--if they aren't unsightly--and I am temporarily pleased with just putting messes in closets and drawers. Having a new baby at home hasn't helped the issue either. I am pleased as pudding when I get a load of laundry done, the kids fed and bathed and dinner on the table.

I realized in this discussion with Ryan that his priorities need to be my priorities. He loves an obscenely clean house, so I should love an obscenely clean house. Needless to say, my goal and accountability lately has been to better clean the house. I'm making small baby steps to better prioritize my time so that I can do this.

Now, how about you? Do you have the courage to ask your husband what is important to him and what he wishes you could do better as a wife? It's a great exercise in humility and self-discipline!

Micah is 4 months old

2009-07-09T14:24:00.000-07:00

He's grabbing things--often my hair--and rolling over. Our precious boy is 4 months old!

Fourth of July at the Hawley Home

2009-07-06T08:40:00.001-07:00

The Fourth of July was fun, fun, fun! We were so busy, that the fifth of July was a recovery day. We woke up the morning of the fourth and went to the Lake Forest Fourth of July Parade to watch our church float. We lucked out and sat next to one of our church's hospitality booths. It provided shade, fellowship, snacks, and beach balls for Carter. We ran into our friends, the O'Connells, and had our families sit together. We had to wait two hours to see our float, but it was worth it!

After the parade, we headed straight over to Susan and Jim's for pool time and lunch! Carter is becoming quite the swimmer, which is something I truly didn't expect this summer. It is fun watching Ryan work with him in the pool. Micah made his first debut in the pool, and he wasn't all that impressed. He's used to the warm bath water.

After the boys took naps, we all headed over to Sarah and Matt's for a bbq dinner and fireworks. Their new home is blocks from Lake Mission Viejo, so it was a blast getting to watch the fireworks from their backyard. They are the new Fourth of July house--what a fun tradition!

I pray you all had great fellowship and family time this Fourth of July. I am thankful for the wonderful day we had here at the Hawley home.

The Star Spangled Banner Lyrics

2009-07-02T20:56:00.000-07:00

Happy Fourth of July, friends! It is one of my favorite holidays, because, like Thanksgiving, it is a great holiday to be thankful and count your blessings. I am so thankful for America and all the freedom it has given me to worship my Creator. Of course, I also have an affinity for the holiday because it means sticky, drippy watermelon, suntans from swimming all day, barbeque, family time and fireworks on a warm summer night.

I thought I'd include the lyrics of our National Anthem. We all know the first stanza, but do you know the rest? I particularly like the fourth, and last, stanza. We all know that this song, as is, would never be adopted as a National Anthem today. Let's celebrate that it boldly recognizes God as the giver of our freedoms and blessings! Happy Fourth!

O! say can you see by the dawn's early light

What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?

Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight,

O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?

And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air,

Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.

O! say does that star-spangled banner yet wave

O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore, dimly seen through the mists of the deep,

Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,

What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep,

As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?

Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,

In full glory reflected now shines in the stream:

'Tis the star-spangled banner!

Oh long may it wave

O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore

That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion,

A home and a country should leave us no more!

Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps' pollution.

No refuge could save the hireling and slave

From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave:

And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave

O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

O! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand

Between their loved home and the war's desolation!

Blest with victory and peace, may the heav'n rescued land

Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.

Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,

And this be our motto: 'In God is our trust.'

And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave

O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

Truths on Baptism

2009-06-29T07:56:00.000-07:00

I made a quick note explaining our beliefs of baptism and what the Bible states in our family's dedication post below. Well, This weekend, Pastor Mike did a whole sermon on external signs like baptism, so I thought I'd post the information here for further study. You can hear the sermon--which I highly recommend--at http://www.compasschurch.org/sermons. It is called: The Gospel According to Abraham, Part 3 "Rethinking outward signs and inward realities."

If you want even more study on this topic, here are other sermons Pastor Mike has given which give much Bible study about the topic.You can go to http://www.compasschurch.org/ and then click on Focal Point to download these sermons for FREE.

CD # 0706 – A Crash Course on Christ’s Two Ordinances
CD # 0615 – A Crash Course in Justification & Sanctification
CD # 0634 – Why Don’t We Have to Keep All Those Old Testament Ceremonies?
CD # 0801 – Realities Instead of Rituals
CD # 0836 – No Hiding Behind Religious Trappings

Here are the questions on the back of the sermon (to spur application and further thought):

Application Questions
These questions are provided for your further study and application of today’s sermon. Thoughtfully writing out the answers to these questions will help to drive home the point of today’s study.

1. What are some of the dangers of failing to differentiate between the biblically commanded ceremonial signs and the realities they are supposed to represent?
Why do you think so many prefer to check the box of participating in an “external sign” rather than to engage in the “inward reality” of trusting completely in Christ?
2. Read Jeremiah 4:4 and Deuteronomy 30:6. Why are these passages so important in understanding the limitations of the Old Testament sign of physical circumcision?
3. Why do most couples (or why did you) choose to add a variety of symbolic formalities and ceremonial elements to their wedding event as opposed to simply filing the legal paperwork?
4. Read Matthew 28:19-20. In the New Covenant, Jesus commanded us to baptize those who have become his disciples. Have you been baptized by a church leader after you became a follower of Christ? If not, when will you? If so, what was that like?
5. How would you respond to someone who tells you that because water baptism does not save him, he is not going to do it?

Here are some resources which may assist you in a deeper study of the truths presented in this week’s sermon.
Carson, Alexander. Baptism: Its Mode and Subjects. Reprint. Kregel, 1981.
Conant, Thomas Jefferson. The Meaning and Use of BAPTIZEIN. Reprint. Kregel, 1977.
Dyer, Larry E. Baptism: The Believer’s First Obedience. Kregel Publications, 2000.
Erickson, Millard. “The Initiatory Rite of the Church” in Christian Theology (Second Edition). Baker Books, 1998.
Feinberg, John S. Continuity and Discontinuity: Perspectives on the Relationship Between OT & NT. Crossway, 1988.
Jewett, Paul K. Infant Baptism & the Covenant of Grace: An Appraisal of the Argument. Wipf & Stock, 1978.
Malone, Fred A. A String of Pearls Unstrung: A Theological Journey Into Believers’ Baptism. Founders Press, 1998.
Schreiner, Thomas, ed. Believer’s Baptism: Sign of the New Covenant in Christ. B & H Academic, 2006.
Unger, Merrill F. The Baptism & Gifts of the Holy Spirit. Moody Press, 1974.
Watson, T. E. Should Babies Be Baptized? Grace Publications, 1995.
Waymeyer, Matt. A Biblical Critique of Infant Baptism. Kress Christian Publications, 2008.
Whitney, Donald. Spiritual Disciplines Within the Church: Participating Fully in the Body of Christ. Moody, 1996.

Little Reminder on True Beauty

2009-06-28T22:15:00.000-07:00

Beauty
If only we were as concerned with our spiritual beauty, as people in our culture are with their external attractiveness. Unfortunately, like the world, we often fail to value what God finds attractive. The kudos received for losing a few pounds or getting a hair cut are seemingly more gratifying than the benefits of a heart strengthened by grace or a character fortified with patience. But you can be sure that when the Scripture highlights the comparison between spiritual and physical attractiveness, our "inner beauty" is asserted to be of "great worth in God's sight" (1Pt.3:4). While we may not be complimented by our coworkers for a beautiful heart, we can know that God treasures the attractive spirit. He is quick to defend, support and draw near to those who, through thoughtful preparation, take the time to draw near to him by starting each day with the question "How does my spirit look today?"Pastor Mike

Many New Posts and Zumba

2009-06-25T21:30:00.000-07:00

Well, I haven't been the best blogger lately, but I think everyone in the blogging world has been more remiss due to Facebook and life's busy pace. I have a few more posts below this one. Enjoy! I promise to TRY and be better about posting.
This video shows a kids' Zumba class that Carter takes for free at the YMCA. We go after naps, and he gets to run around and get out all his energy. He is one of the younger kiddos, and he really just does his own dance routine, but he loves it! It is great entertainment for me too!

Swim Lessons

2009-06-25T15:01:00.000-07:00

Carter took swim lessons this summer. He did an amazing job for a little boy with a strong will and an aversion to anything in his face--including water. He was so excited about swim lessons, and he wanted desperately to jump off the diving board (which he eventually did). He learned to swim short distances with great "kickers" and "splashers" (legs and arms). He is rolling over to float on his back when he is tired, and he can swim to the wall, hand-walk along the wall and then crawl out of the pool from the wall. It was a great start to getting him pool safe. Enjoy some video! (You can turn off the music on the right hand side of my blog.)

Micah's Baby Dedication

2009-06-25T14:53:00.000-07:00

We got Micah James dedicated on Father's Day. We believe the Bible is clear that baptism is a step of obedience a person makes after they become a Christian--repent and put their faith in Christ. Obviously, an infant cannot make that decision and cannot become a Christian, so we do baby dedications. Really, the dedication is a parent focused activity. Ryan and I pledged, before our church body, to rear Micah in a godly home and to teach him about God's Word. Our prayer is that someday Micah may repent of his sin (for all have fallen short of the glory of God) and make Christ Lord of his life. It was a great day to focus on godly parenting. Micah and Carter did a great job on stage!

Micah is 3 months old

2009-06-08T14:38:00.000-07:00

Not my child! Dealing with Bitterness in Parenting

2009-05-25T06:11:00.000-07:00

Ephesians 4: 31-32 "Let all bitterness . . . be put away fromyou . . . Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."

Last Friday, I was sweating away in a workout at my gym, when a worker from the Kids' Zone came up to me and said I had to come change my baby's dirty diaper. Well, when I arrived at the childcare area, a set of unhappy faces met me and asked, "Are you also Carter's mom?" My heart sank. I affirmatively responded, and they told me that he had been reprimanded for a fit (they don't know the reason he was having a fit), and he was put in a time out, where he proceeded to scream and cry for half an hour. I was so disappointed in Carter. He is strong willed, but he usually obeys authority and does not throw screaming fits.

I gave up on working out again that day, and I promptly pulled Carter aside to "chat." He apologized to his teacher, got a spanking, was ominously told to "wait until your daddy gets home and hears about this" and was removed from getting any treats that day--no tasters from Costco right after, and there were some good ones that day!

I was VERY serious with him, as was Ryan when he got home, so I thought the heart issue surrounding the screaming fit was fixed for now. At least, I thought, he knows that the screaming fit was COMPLETELY unacceptable. Well, the same Friday, Ryan and I left Carter and Micah at my in-laws so we could have a date night. We arrived back to find out that Carter had indeed had another screaming fit at bedtime. I was SO discouraged and embarrassed. Needless to say, Carter had a repeat of the previous punishments (apologies, spankings and heart training chats) AND missed out on ice cream and cupcakes the next day at a party (a huge deal to my little junk food-a-holic).

I was not happy with Carter in the least. I felt discouraged and overwhelmed. However, this naughty day revealed some sin in my heart. The next day, I was re-reading Feminine Appeal, by Mahaney, when I came across the chapter on being angry, bitter and judgmental toward our kids and husbands. Bingo! I acknowledged I had been all three toward Carter. He deservingly was punished for his behavior, but I realized I was SO angry and bitter not only because he had sinned, but because his behavior had made ME look like a poor parent and had embarrassed me at two locations where I hope to be seen in a positive light. I had to stop and confess my sin right then and there.

Mahaney explains that bitterness happens in our hearts when a person close to us wrongs us. It can be big or little things. For instance, she explains that when your husband leaves his socks on the floor, it isn't a huge deal. However, if he does it habitually, even after we ask him to not do so, we get bitter and resentful. We have most likely let bitterness enter our hearts when we replay a wrong in our minds, wallow in self-pity over a hurt, or withdraw affection from that person. Mahaney also points out that when we are bitter and resentful, we are forgetting our own sins against God. We forget our part in putting Christ on the cross. We cannot forgive others because we have forgotten how much we are forgiven.

After I understood my bitterness from that Friday, I was able to better forgive Carter and parent him joyfully and correctly. Check your heart for bitterness. It could be seeping into your heart when that door is slammed by a family member for the umpteenth time, when your child gets in trouble at school, when your best friend accidentally slights you, when your husband fails to thank you for the special dinner you made, when you get in your car and realize your husband left it on empty for you, when you are cut off in line at the supermarket or driving your car, when your sleeping baby is awoken by the noisy neighbor, etc., etc. We are not immune to it. Recognize it and confess it. God is faithful to forgive us and restore us, and that brings such peace and comfort!

Biblical Parenting Resources to Use with your Kids

2009-05-24T17:18:00.001-07:00

Most of the readers of this blog go to my church, but, for those that don't, I couldn't resist writing down some great resources from today's sermon. We just wrapped up a 5 part series on parenting at Compass Bible Church. You can always listen to and download the sermons for free by going to http://www.compasschurch.org/ and then clicking on the Focal Point link. The series was called "Passing the Baton." It is well worth a listen!

Today, our Pastor ended with some practical "how-to's" for parents and those with any exposure to kids. First, we are to train our kids to think Biblically. To do this, he underlined the fact that parents HAVE to be teaching the kids constantly at home. Relying on AWANA, Christian school, or church to do all the Bible teaching is not going to do it. This is the point where Pastor Mike went over all the book resources he recommends for different ages. The list was GREAT, and our Amazon and Christianbook.com bill is going to be big in future months! I'll copy it to the bottom of this post.

The second point was to make sure your kids' hearts rely on God. The main way to do this is to make sure you pray constantly in front of your children. They will see that mom and dad rely on God. Pastor Mike stated that he prays with his family EVERY time they get in the car to go somewhere. They go through their Christmas card photo cards they receive each night at dinner and pray for a family or two. They pray for other countries or missionaries abroad during morning prayers. In addition to praying, Pastor Mike said you have to teach your children to give and not rely on money or grow attached to money. His children have a tithing jar next to their piggy bank, and a part of their allowance always must go to God. In addition, he makes the youngest kids, who don't understand money, give away "stuff," and not just stuff they don't want anymore.

Finally, the third point was to require your kids to go to church and to serve at church. Pastor Mike said it is unacceptable to let your kids decide whether or not they go to church. He treats it as he would school. As long as they are under his roof, his kids have no choice. Plus, they are required to serve in a capacity that makes sense for their age. His youngest kids are to reach out and talk to new kids. His older ones help with organized serving opportunities at church. The whole series was amazing. I recommend a listen! Here is the list of books recommended for children (listed by age):

• • • Resources For Toddlers • • •
Taylor, Ken. The New Bible in Pictures for Little Eyes. Moody Press, 2003.
Walton, John, et al. The Tiny Tots Bible Story Book. Chariot Family Publishers, 1993.
The Candy Cane Press Series: The Story of Adam & Eve; The Story of Noah; etc. (several others in this series)

• • • Resources For Pre-Schoolers • • •
McDowell, Josh and Dottie. The Right Choices Bible. Tyndale Kids, 1998.
Taylor, Ken. Big Thoughts for Little People: ABC’s to Help You Grow. Tyndale House, 1990.
Lewis, Karen. From Arapesh to Zuni: An ABC Book of Bible-less Peoples. Wycliffe Bible Translators, 1986.
The Help Me Be Good Series by Joy Berry: About Disobeying; About Lying; About Whining; etc. (others in this series)

• • • Resources For Elementary Kids • • •
Fabarez, Mike. Bible Survey for Kids: A Simplified Interactive System. Focal Point Ministries, 2009.
Beers, V. Gilbert and Dan Foote. The Step by Step Bible: A Panoramic Journey Through God’s Word. Chariot, 1999.
Schmitt, Betsy. Sticky Situations: 365 Devotions for Kids and Families. Tyndale Kids, 2006.
Ware, Bruce A. Big Truths for Young Hearts: Teaching and Learning the Greatness of God. Crossway, 2009.
Spraggett, Daphne, Window on the World: When We Pray God Works. Authentic Press, 2007.
Taylor, Paul S. The Great Dinosaur Mystery and the Bible. Chariot Victor Publishing, 1998.

• • • Resources For Teens • • •
Fabarez, Mike. The Partners Program for Teens (A 33 Chapter Workbook). Focal Point Ministries, 2008.
George, Jim. The Bare Bones Bible Handbook for Teens: Getting to Know Every Book of the Bible. Harvest, 2008.
Strobel, Lee. The Case for Christ: Student Edition. Zondervan, 2002.
Little, Paul. Know Why You Believe: A Clear Affirmation of the Reasonableness of the Faith. Victory Books ,1987.
Newman, Robert, et al. What’s Darwin Got to Do With It? A Friendly Conversation about Evolution. InterVarsity, 2000.
Geisler, Norman and William Nix. From God to Us: How We Got Our Bible. Zondervan, 1993.
McDowell, Josh. The New Evidence That Demands a Verdict: Evidence I & II. Thomas Nelson, 1999.
Sire, James W. Chris Chrisman Goes to College: And Faces Relativism, Individualism & Pluralism. InterVarsity, 1993.

Micah is 2 months old! (and 12 pounds)

2009-05-11T09:59:00.001-07:00

Micah is almost sleeping through the night! I feed him around 10 and then again at 5:45 in the morning. He is full of smiles and loves to "talk" to mommy and others. He is a social guy. He hates being alone in a room and is completely content when there are tons of people around, even if they aren't talking directly to him.

Carter still isn't sure he LOVES having to share the attention, but he is getting gentler with Micah. He thanks God for "baby brother Micah" every night and asks me where he is whenever I'm not holding him. It is cute seeing Carter become Micah's little protector.

A Modern Story: Deuteronomy

2009-04-29T20:23:00.000-07:00

In my daily Bible reading, I was studying the early books of the Old Testament and, once again, found myself rolling my eyes at the disobedient Israelites. In fact, in Deuteronomy, I found myself getting generally annoyed at the fickle nation. Over many chapters, God tells the Israelites that if they obey the statutes of the LORD and make Him God in their lives, He will bless them abundantly through peace, fertile land, many children, health, etc. On the other hand, He reminds them that if they forsake Him and disobey His commands, He will bring them into slavery, they will be barren, they will lose their homes, and disease will strike them. The two promises are made repeatedly again and again.

We all know how the story ends. Over the years, the Israelites forget the God who has done so much for them, worship idols, and they are taken into captivity and suffer over and over again. In fact, there is a continual pattern of sin, repentance, restoration, sin, repentance, restoration, etc. all throughout the Old Testament, especially in the book of Judges.

I read Deuteronomy, and I couldn't believe the Israelites would even entertain ideas of idolatry and disobedience when God has promised them such extreme results from their actions. However, I started thinking and realized that this is our world story today.

When Christ came to earth as a man, He offered the world two choices. First, He says to repent, have faith in His work for our sins, and submit to Him as LORD. If we do so, we are promised to be His and stand before God blameless and holy one day--all on account of Christ. We will receive an eternity with God in Heaven. On the other hand, if we reject Christ, do not submit to Him as LORD and do not repent, we are promised Hell and an eternity of separation from God. The stakes are high--even higher than the promises God gave the Israelites.

Despite these clear promises of eternal blessing or damnation, people choose, as the Israelites did, to reject God. Does the fact that I am a follower of Christ make me smarter than others? Definitely not. The Bible tells us that we are all SLAVES to sin, and we cannot even make the attempt to choose God and obedience because we are so stuck in our depravity. However, God is merciful and calls some to Him. He softens our hearts and works in us so that we choose to repent and submit to Him.

The Israelites are merely our early history mirror of how we, despite the certainty of God's reaction to our actions and decisions, cannot choose obedience without His intervention. We are utterly wretched without Him. We are all the Israelite nation--conforming to the world, putting idols in our hearts, and forgetting God's faithfulness--until God comes to us and calls us to Him.

I now look at the pages concerning the Israelites with a lot more mercy and humility than before. I also am renewed in my thankfulness to my Heavenly Father for saving me from the promise of Hell and replacing it with an eternity in His presence.

Deuteronomy 30:15-20

"See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. For I command you today to love the LORD your God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess.

But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods and worship them, I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess.

This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life . . ."

Carter is Three!

2009-04-08T12:38:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it, but Carter is three. Here are some of the things Carter likes, says, does, etc. at this fun age!

--He likes to rhyme words together. ("Mommy, tall and small rhyme!")

--He likes to read books he has memorized to mommy and daddy. (Go, Dog, Go!)

--He loves parks.

--He still loves to play with friends (anyone who is a kid).

--He loves roller coasters (Matterhorn is his favorite ride at Disneyland).

--He likes bounce houses.

--He still hates to eat anything healthy (and even some unhealthy foods).

--His favorite food is cake.

--He likes to read the Bible stories in his Bible with us at night.

--He thinks Wow! Wow! Wubzy is the best TV show ever.

--He loves to be outside.

--He still can't do "W", "L" or "R" blends well. He calls Swirls Yogurt, "Squirrels."

--He can sing the books of the New Testament.

--He likes the Old Testament books song because it has Micah's name in it. He calls it Micah's song.

--He thinks hotels are fun.

--He still sucks his thumb when he is falling asleep and loves his ga-ga's (blankets).

--He is finally daytime potty trained. (I had 2 weeks of no diapers until the baby was born).

--He says, "Why" or "What" a million times a day.

--He knows all his letters and likes to sight read words like "stop."

--He loves to share.

--He still struggles with self control.

--He is a great big brother.

--He says, "Mommy" or "Daddy, I love you" when he does something naughty--sometimes just because.

--He hates brushing his teeth.

--He loves bathtime (except the washing his hair part).

--He still screams when his hair is being cut.

--He is still my little boy (always!), and I love him so much!

Micah is one month old

2009-04-08T12:34:00.000-07:00

Precious Micah

2009-03-15T09:11:00.000-07:00

Well, Micah's here! I thought I'd update everyone on the birth and following week of Micah James.

On the morning of March 8th, Ryan and I got to the hospital and were quickly induced to have our baby that day. When I walked in the doors, the nurses were all taking bets to see if the baby would hit the 10 pound mark--they were amazed at my tummy. Everything went SO smoothly. By 1:00, I was dilated 9 and 1/2 and almost fully effaced. I couldn't believe how quickly everything was going, and, since I took my epidural early, I was really not having very much pain.

However, by 4:00, nurses and my doctor started saying little comments about "ifs" and "we'll sees". You see, the baby's head wasn't coming down at all, and I had been nearly or completely dilated for hours now. Finally, my doctor came in to tell me that the baby's head was trying to drop but just couldn't. The attempts were actually causing trauma and swelling my cervix back shut again. She would give me one more hour to see what happened, but she was putting me on the wait for the surgery room. Well, an hour later, I was tired, the baby was starting to show irregular heartbeats from stress, and my cervix was even more swollen. It was clear I had to have a C-section. Since we thought Micah was huge, I had kept this option in the back of my mind as a real possibility, so I wasn't tremendously discouraged.

The C-section was at 6:30 that evening. Unfortunately, the actual surgery was rough on me. I got extremely nauseated and ended up vomiting multiple times all over myself and the table. Afterward, I was uncontrollably shaking from the medicine and still had potosin contractions happening. It was painful! Once the morphine kicked in, I was much happier, and, due to the grogginess caused by the medicine, the bad parts are all a bit of a blur.

Micah arrived and surprised everyone--doctors and nurses included--by only weighing 8 pounds, 6 ounces. They also realized he wasn't coming down in labor because he was "sunny side up"--facing the wrong way--and sitting in a very difficult position.

Micah is such a blessing! He is a mellow guy, rarely crying or fussing, and, from the beginning, he has been very alert. The nurses all said he was their favorite baby while we were staying in the hospital.

We were at the hospital Sunday through Thursday morning, and we were all happy to be able to be home as a family. Carter has been such a loving big brother to Micah. The night Micah was born, Carter tried to offer Micah a french fry--a true present of love in Carter's eyes. There have been small glimpses of jealousy, and we have had a surge of fits and misbehavior this week, but, overall, Carter has been a trooper.

Enjoy the pictures we have taken this week. If you are on Facebook, you have seen all or most of these, but I certainly don't feel like I can look at them too much. I'm one blessed momma! I am beyond thankful to my Heavenly Father for the boys in my life! Thankful for all your prayers for our family--they were felt and appreciated!

A New Induction Date--Sunday, the 8th

2009-03-03T09:10:00.000-08:00

A couple of days ago, I was doing my read through the Bible study and came across this Proverbs: "The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps." (16:9) I certainly felt this Proverb in action this last weekend. I had BIG plans for the week ahead, and God was going to change them.

Friday night, Carter started coughing--A LOT--and by Saturday, he had a bad cough. Monday morning, he added a fever and goopy nose into the mix. Monday, I also came down with a sore throat, stuffy nose and small fever. On a normal day, this wouldn't be the end of the world. However, I was planning to be induced and have a baby on Tuesday.

I had a bad attitude over the weekend. I saw the handwriting on the wall and knew that Tuesday would either not work or would be far from ideal. By, Monday, though, I just wanted to rest in God's plan. I was tired of being grumpy about it and just let go. The doctor rescheduled my induction for Sunday, the 8th; Carter is on antibiotics; and I'm resting and praying for a recovery from this cold by Sunday. I felt, and still feel, tremendous peace in the decision and in resting in God's plan.

I don't know why God changed our plans--perhaps Micah needed more time in me, perhaps the nurses on duty wouldn't be ideal, and perhaps He just wanted to prune me a bit with a growth in trust and patience. Whatever it is, I know He is faithful and I am wise to submit to His plans. If you would like to pray for us, pray we are healthy for an induction on Sunday morning. I know whatever happens, God has a plan that is bigger and better than mine, and He will use it for His glory. Plus, I know that baby Micah is worth the wait!

A Baby Date and Potty Training

2009-02-19T10:41:00.000-08:00

Well, I went into my 36 week appointment and the ultrasound showed the baby to measure about 8lb. and 5oz. with still 4 weeks to go! The technician and the doctor both told me the ultrasound measures slightly big sometimes, but not that much. My extremely large tummy and my genetic history are telling me this baby is BIG! My mom and sisters all had LARGE babies--my sister was 10lb, 10oz! Carter was only 7lb, 7oz (which his ultrasound predicted to the ounce!), but he is ALL Hawley genes, where the babies are much smaller. Micah, the baby's name if you hadn't heard, is seeming to have more Padilla genes.

So, the doctor wants to induce me on March 3rd. Hopefully the baby won't be TOO large, and I will avoid a C-section. However, my main concern is just that the baby is healthy and doesn't have any trauma or problems due to his size. I know God is in control--thank goodness!

The day before my ultrasound, my family threw me a surprise baby shower! I was so touched and excited! I had those I love best around me and had a relaxing and fun night celebrating baby Micah.

This new due date has expedited my potty training sessions with Carter. Actually, I was planning to train him after Christmas, but we were so busy! Then I decided that I would start after our coastal trip in January. Of course, that is when we all got so deathly ill for weeks on end. So, now I have 2 weeks to try and make it stick!!

Carter is doing awesome! I'm even training him while he is crabby and sick with a cold. He had one or two accidents the first two days, but he is doing awesome overall at telling me when he feels the "urge" and running to the potty. The first day I gave him too many treats, and he got a stomach ache. So, the second day he got a toy from the dollar bin at Target for having a good day of training. Today is the third day, and we are going to try an outing with big boy undies on him. We'll see if we have an accident! Enjoy the pictures, and I'll let you know more about everything as the BIG day approaches!

Book Summary: Radical Womanhood

2009-02-06T14:45:00.000-08:00

Lately I've had a difficult time finishing some books on my reading list. However, when I picked up Carolyn McCulley's Radical Womanhood: Feminine Faith in a Feminist World, I couldn't put the book down.

This book historically looks at the three main waves of feminism, compares the agenda of each wave with Biblical truths and then quickly looks at the negative influences that feminism has had on modern church culture.

If you are like me, this book exposes the issues with much of what culture taught me as I was educated. I went to a large, secular university, where I was exposed to some Women's Studies classes. I also, if you know my story, was assaulted at knifepoint and faced an attempted rape in college. Since this happened before I was a true Christian, on several occasions I used this experience to explore feminist arguments.

After I graduated from college and became a Christian, I grew in my knowledge of God, understood the sin in all of mankind, and realized the error of much of feminist thinking. This book helped me to better understand the anti-God stance of much of feminism, to see the social repurcussions and sin as a result of some feminist movements and to see how feminist thought has crept into even today's modern church.

The first official feminist movement started with the Seneca Falls Women's Rights Convention in 1848. This first wave of feminism was mainly concerned with the property rights of women--most property rights were completely lost when a woman was married. It also led up to the passage of the 19th amendment in 1920, which gave women the right to vote. As you can see, there is nothing intrinsically bad with the rights women were seeking at this point. However, the first wave of feminism was led by Elizabeth Cady Stanton, who was an ardent athiest. So, though the reforms of the first wave were benign, Stanton's personal goal was to take down the authority of scripture and the way she perceived it to treat women.

The second wave of feminism was more harmful. It was delayed in the United States due to World War II and the Great Depression. This wave began in France by Jean-Paul Sartre and his partner, Simone de Beauvoir. They were one of the first popular couples to refuse to marry and who claimed monogamy wasn't natural. They were also staunch socialists and existentialists--a movement that is very similar to today's relativism movement. Simone argued that history proved that the roles of wife and mother kept women confined and imprisoned.

Betty Friedan popularized the views of Beauvoir in the United States in 1963 with the book, The Feminist Mystique. Friedan cofounded NOW (National Organization for Women) and NARAL, the pro-abortion political action group National Women's Political Caucus. This began the repurcussions of the second feminist movement, which was the freedom to choose abortion and not be tied to pregnancy and children simply because one is a woman. The right to no-fault divorce also became a repurcussion of this wave. Finally, more women entering the work force and leaving the home was a side effect too.

The third wave of feminism began in the 1990s and began the fight to redefine traditional marriage to include same sex marriage. Jennifer Baumgardner and Amy Richards, editors at MS. magazine, are leaders in this third wave. Included in this third wave of feminism is the raunch culture for women. Parading skin, sleeping around as much as posssible and being sexually uninhibited is a rally cry for many who lead this modern movement. McCulley points to the fact that this is one of the first times that traditional feminists, who rally for women not to be objects for men, disagree with the raunch culture of modern feminists.

Throughout this book, McCulley points to scripture and God's wise, loving roles for both men and women in His Word. Anything less is a rip off for women. Feminism, in its raw form, is a spiritual battle against God and what He has portioned for women in their roles as wives and mothers.

How has feminism affected the modern church? McCulley says we have let it downplay submission and roles in the Bible. We are afraid to confront the ideals of modern culture with the truths of the Bible. We allow women pastors to lead in church. Certainly, the modern church culture is timid to confront the heresies that come with feminist thought and movements.

McCulley also uses this book to show how, contrary to what feminists argue, Christ and the Bible valued women in scripture. She does a wonderful job in presenting the feminist movements objectively, helping the reader to really see historical truths behind a movement that she, ultimately, proves to be spiritual warfare.

I highly recommend this book to any woman. It clarifies the history and flaws behind a popular and widely accepted cultural movement that, whether we agree with it or not, affects many aspects of our lives.

Compromise

2009-01-14T15:59:00.000-08:00

Each year, I follow our church's Read through the Bible in a year schedule, but this year, I am going "high-tech" and following the reading on-line. The advantage to this is that I can leave and read comments regarding the passage. I am spurred on by all the insight people leave regarding a chapter of the Bible I have read before. It is opening my eyes to new application and new ways God is teaching me His truths. If this sounds interesting to you, you can go to http://www.compasschurch.org/ and just click on Daily Bible Reading.

A few days ago, I was doing the daily Bible reading in Genesis 19. This is the story of Lot and the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. Poor Lot is definitely not a Hebrews 11 Hall of Faith character. In fact, upon reading I was struck anew with the amount of compromised obedience he displayed to God.

It all begins back in Genesis 13, when Lot selfishly picks the choice Valley of the Jordan as his dwelling when he and Abram separate. Though the land is lush, before the sulfur and fire from heaven fall on it, it is filled with wicked, sinful cities and people--mainly Sodom and Gomorrah. "Abram settled in the land of Canaan, while Lot settled in the cities of the valley, and moved his tents as far as Sodom. Now the men of Sodom were wicked exceedingly and sinners against the LORD." (vv. 12-13)

The first compromise of Lot is that he knowingly settles in the most sinful and corrupt area of Sodom. He could have set himself apart in the valley, away from the cities, but, by the time chapter 19 happens, he is out of his tents and living in the midst of the city in a house with his family. This initial decision, that might seem a small compromise, changes the whole course of his and his family's future.

In chapter 19, God mercifully sends two angels, in the form of men, to warn Lot and his family of God's impending destruction of Sodom. We find that Lot still has a moral compass and a sense of right, for, before he knows their mission, he begs the "strangers" to lodge overnight in his home to ensure their safety. Even at this effort, the evil men of the city come to Lot's home to have homosexual relations with the strangers. Though the angels inflict the mob with blindness, they grope for the door of Lot's house to commit their atrocity.

Another example of Lot's compromise is offering his daughters to the mob in the place of the angels, or "strangers". (Genesis 19: 7-8) Though his intentions were noble, his offer was not. Luckily, the angels save Lot and his daughters from this horrible offer and bring Lot to safety in the house before they strike the men outside with blindness.

Because of Lot's earlier compromises, we find his daughters engaged to faithless men who do not believe that God is going to destroy Sodom. Lot has reared his family in the middle of a sinful and corrupt city. His wife has also been affected by the influences around her, and she does not obey the command to flee without looking back--a sign that her heart was bound in the trappings of the sinful city around her and that she did not have a proper fear and understanding of God. As a result, she is made into a pillar of salt, and Lot loses his wife. (v. 26)

Also, we see Lot compromise as he flees Sodom. First, he drags his feet in obedience. The angels urge him and his family to hurry as morning dawns. We are told in verse 16, "But he hesitated." God mercifully forgives his lack of obedience and the angels take them forcibly by the hands and drag them away. Finally, the angels clearly tell him to not settle anywhere in the valley but to flee to the mountains. Lot obeys with conditions. He offers up a little city of Zoar as a possible safe stop. God allows this, again being merciful. However, the chapter goes on to say that after the fire and brimstone wiped out Sodom and Gomorrah, Lot was afraid and stayed in the mountains God had commanded at the beginning. It appears that Lot did not have a proper fear and understanding of God's holiness, judgment and power until he witnessed the furious wipeout of his resident cities.

Lot's compromises and choices continue to plague him, as his daughters, not trained in the righteousness of God, fail to trust God's plan and provision and sleep with their own father to further their family line. (vv. 30-38) The resulting progeny, the Moabites and Ammonites, become longstanding enemies of Israel, God's chosen people.

Reading chapter 19 of Genesis gave me pause to think of all the times I obey God with conditions or compromise. Perhaps I submit to my husband only after I throw some "attitude" his way. Maybe I do my quiet time that day, but it comes after I relax, blog, e-mail and place it way down on my priority list. I might tithe or offer a financial gift, but it is given pridefully or, oppositely, with anxiety and withholding. This all brings to mind a quote often given by my pastor, which I use often with Carter. "Delayed obedience is disobedience." This leads me to realize, compromise is really a subtle way of not obeying at all. May I learn from the sad example of Lot and realize that compromise has repurcussions and will affect myself and others when I stray from the will of my Heavenly Father.

An Anniversary and Goal Setting Get Away

2009-01-03T13:07:00.000-08:00

Ryan and I just celebrated our 6 year anniversary at the end of December. We went away for a night to a resort in Temecula. It was a little humorous because it was a little spa resort on a winery campus, but Ryan and I are not drinkers and I'm 7 and 1/2 months pregnant. My parents, who also don't really drink, visited this place and recommended it for the cheap prices and cute, romantic rooms. It is called the South Coast Winery and Resort, and it always has nice deals on TravelZoo. We went for the romantic little villas and a night away somewhere close to home. We had a great, relaxing time--we even saw a movie! The picture to the left is a photo of a little villa (room) at the resort, next to a garden. Each room is a seperate building with a patio overlooking the vineyard or garden.

Most importantly, though, we do our marriage goal-setting every year on our anniversary "trip". Seven years ago, we did a training session on making Biblical goals as a couple and using annual goals to protect and grow your marriage. We've done it every year since.

We start with prayer, some scripture reading, and by reviewing last year's goals. Then we actually take time to encourage one another with a list of things we have seen the other do well or improve upon over the last year. After we build each other up, we do--believe it or not--take time to mention a few major areas on which the other person has an opportunity to focus and grow. This has always gone well, and, though I often am defensive with any criticism aimed at me, even I find this a safe, non-threatening way to bring up any issues that have crept into one another's spiritual, married, parental or personal habits.

We then each take turns creating marriage goals as a couple and listing our own personal goals. Finally, Ryan takes the time to share our budget, our financial hits and misses and to help me better understand the boundaries of spending in the year ahead. Being a finance guy at work, this is always done very well--spread sheets, graphics, and everything!

I thought I would share some of our goals for 2009! They include everything from spiritual growth goals, personal goals, marriage goals, to parenting goals. Oh, and they MUST be measurable goals--to see if we meet them or not.

Chiara's 2009 goals:

--Potty train Carter by September

--Have DAILY, concentrated quiet time of AT LEAST 10 minutes immediately after the baby is born and resume normal quiet time length (30ish minutes) by the time the baby is 4 months old.

--Start working out at the YMCA in June (2-3 times a week) and walk 2-3 times a week before that time.

--Memorize one umbrella verse (witnessing tool from our church) per month

--Take someone at church through Partners next year.

--Step up service at church by adding activities committee at Thrive to my service.

Some of Ryan and Chiara's joint goals for 2009:

--Use each nightly dinner time to share what we are learning in quiet time that day and talk about this as a family.

--Reach out to neighbors next door and have them over for dinner to provide open doors to witness.

--Finish our "Growing Kids" parenting videos by March--8 more to go!

--Ban TV one night a week and make it a work night, reading night, etc.

--During/after Ryan and my nightly devotion time together, ask each other if we are having any discipline/heart issues with Carter (or baby as he grows) and seek a solution/game plan together. Sometimes Ryan has no idea of what I am working on with Carter and vice versa!

--Date nights every other week--even if we have to pay a sitter!

etc.

You get the gist. They are practical, measurable goals that we review four times throughout the year and try to keep each other accountable to follow. I highly recommend you try this sometime with your spouse. It fosters communication like no other tool we have used, and it helps us both mature in various areas of our lives. Plus, if nothing else, you get a night or day away--just the two of you!

Christmas Blessings!

2008-12-27T08:10:00.001-08:00

Our family had a wonderful Christmas. Since Costco put up trees and lights back in early October (or maybe September), Carter has been saying, "Christmas is coming!" Well, it finally came, and it was wonderful.

We had a little hectic week prior to Christmas, as both Carter and I came down with a mild tummy flu, and then Carter woke up five days before Christmas with double pink eye and a double ear infection. We were back at the doctor on Monday to switch his antibiotics when he broke out in full body hives as an allergic reaction to the first medicine. God is merciful, and Carter was healthy and able to be in public again on Christmas Eve--just in time!

On Christmas Eve, we had family time around the house, and then we went to afternoon church services at Compass Bible Church. It was a wonderful service reminding us of how Christ glorified the Father by coming and living a perfect life and dying for us, and how we can glorify God in our own actions as well.

After church, we headed to my sister and brother-in-law's house to celebrate Christmas with my side of the family. The six kids were excited to open presents, which we did after a yummy Mexican food dinner. Carter loves going to my sister's house. They are blessed with a home in Nellie Gail, and he calls it the "trampoline house." They have a giant yard with a big trampoline and a tropical pool with a rock slide. It was drizzly, but he got a little time on the trampoline. He was fine being inside too, since the game room had both air hockey and a fooseball table.

On Christmas morning, we got up late (8:00) and enjoyed the cold, rainy morning. We prayed together as a family and opened most of our presents. At about 10:30, we headed to Ryan's parents' home, where we had breakfast and opened presents. Gabe, Ivy and Carter all loved the presents, but Gabe was an absolute joy to watch, as he shook his hands and bounced around in excitement. Later that afternoon, Ryan's extended family came over to his parents' for a delicious dinner with all the trimmings. It was such a fun day--spending time with family and thanking God for all the numerous blessings we enjoy, all undeservedly.

Carter made out with WAAAAYY too much loot this year. We spent most of the 26th unboxing his toys and finding creative ways to store all the "stuff." Next year, we'll be back to buying very little for him and letting the other family members fill the toy box. Not surprisingly, his favorite toys were anything with noises, buttons and movement. It was fun to see him playing with all the alphabet and counting toys this year and hearing him actually count and identify all the letters. He's growing up fast! Baby brother even got some outfits, which means he won't be wearing entirely hand me downs.

Enjoy some of the pictures. We can't wait to hear all about your Christmas celebrations and the blessings you enjoyed!

Carter enjoying the giant trampoline while grandma watches his stunts!

Carter and his cousin, Grace, pretending to play checkers.

Carter, Gabe and Ivy are excited for presents!

Silly cousins: Stephen, Grace, Connor, Lauren, Carter and Cassie

The Jesse Tree

2008-12-15T16:02:00.000-08:00

In talking with my friend, Christa, I found out about a wonderful resource that I wanted to share with you all--Jesse Trees. I'm probably out of the loop, and you all know about this already, but I thought I would post it just in case.

I am ordering this next year, but the Jesse Tree uses all the days of advent to talk about Old Testament stories and prophesies leading to Jesus's birth. It starts with the fall of man in Genesis and works through the Old Testament. From what I understand, it is a good way to also cover the gospel message with your family.

I am sure there are multiple websites to view about this, but one helpful one I found was http://www.jesse-trees.com/. You need your own mini-tree (buy a fake one at Walmart) to decorate, and you can either make or order the ornaments for each day. There is a devotional that has a lesson aimed at children. The website I listed also has song ideas to sing each day, children's books listed that coorelate with the lesson and a free downloadable coloring page area. I would say the lessons are aimed at early to mid-elementary, but you can differentiate your lesson (there is some good teacherese for you!). The website has a new devotional this year if you want a study just for adults or teenagers.

I hope you take the time to check out the website. Our church's pastor's family does this every year, and I hope to start the tradition next year!

Identifying the Sin in Being Worried Sick

2008-12-02T08:42:00.000-08:00

I know I am WAY behind in posting. I'll spare you all the details of our busy schedules, as I know everyone is in the same boat this time of year.

I was having trouble brainstorming ideas for my post, and then I thought I would just honestly share thoughts on my mind lately. I don't normally struggle with anxiety to a large degree. However, lately, I have really been sinful in this area.

As with every year, sickness has been running rampant through our church and the children's ministries program. Since many church friends are on Facebook with me, I can count numerous status updates each day about new families falling prey to the stomach flu or the bad cold making rounds. The cold has already hit our family, but I will do just about anything to avoid the stomach flu.

I use the excuse of pregnancy and the need to stay healthy, but my preoccupation with avoiding the stomach flu has reached sinful levels. I wash my hands forty times a day, and I pray for protection from the flu about three times a day. If we are driving to church, I always remind Carter of "buggies" and to keep his hands out of his mouth--ya, right. I have even considered not taking Carter to church during the worst of it. Can you believe it--going to church to worship God, and all the while keeping Carter at home because I am not trusting the God I am worshipping to take care of us.

Really, though, I am trying to take control of the situation and am not trusting God's plan for us--to get sick or not get sick. It is out of my hands. No matter how much I hate the stomach flu, I have to trust God knows best and he will provide protection against the germs or give us endurance to get through the illness. He wants us at church, and I need to be obedient in bringing both myself and Carter to church--flu or no flu.

Another health anxiety I have had lately is my pregnancy. I am getting numerous questions about when I am due, and most well-meaning people believe I am going to say within the next month or so. When I laugh and say, "March 15th," they have horrified looks on their faces. This baby is bigger than Carter, he is very high, and I am popping out more because of my second pregnancy. I am pretty uncomfortable already, and I start worrying about the next three months. If I can barely walk any considerable distance now, how am I going to function that third month from now? How in the world am I going to birth a bigger baby than Carter when I could barely get him out?--I had to have vaccuum assist with Carter due to his heartrate dropping after 18 hours of labor.

My sin lies in my habit of persisting in these thoughts and going into panic mode. It doesn't take long before my eyes are off the blessing of the baby, and I am dwelling with depression on all the horrible inconveniences and trials I have ahead of me.

This is the baby God made for my family. He is big. I have uncomfortable pregnancies, and this is a trial God has allowed in my life. There is a reason. I am to be thankful in all circumstances.

I have identified these sins of worry and anxiety, and I need to now focus on obediently repenting and changing my thought patterns, attitudes, and actions. You can be praying for me in these details. Ask me how I am doing with my anxiety and worry--in all circumstances!

A Different Kind of Thankfulness

2008-11-23T19:14:00.000-08:00

With Thanksgiving Day approaching, we are all hearing about the need to be thankful--both from the secular and Christian world. As Christians, we know that God is serious about thankfulness. Understanding what we have been given leads to contentedness and praise to Him. In fact, the Bible doesn't skimp on the mandates to be thankful. Here are just a few verses which call Christians to gratefulness ALWAYS!

I Chronicles 16:8 "Give thanks to the Lord, call on His name; make known among the nations what He has done."

I Chronicles 16:34 "Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endres forever."

Psalm 30:12 "that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lrd my God, I will give you thanks forever.'

Psalm 35:18 "I will give You thanks in the great assembly; among throngs of people I will praise you."

Psalm 100:4 "Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and praise His name."

Psalm 118:21 "I will give you thanks, for you answered me; you have become my salvation."

Pslam 118: 28 "You are my God, and I will give You thanks; You are my God, and I will exalt You."

I Corinthians 15:57 "But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."

Colossians 1:12 "giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light."

I Thessalonians 5:18 "give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

Hebrews 12:28 "Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe,"

Clearly, thankfulness is an important matter to God. If Christians truly understand their sinfulness and the gift that God has graciously given them through Jesus, the only natural reaction is inexpressible thankfulness and awe--all the time!

In knowing this, how should our Thanksgiving holiday differ from the world's? Circumstances shouldn't matter. Though the ecomomy is far from reliable, politics look bleak, sinful morality is invading law, many are suffering from illnesses ranging from the flu to cancer, and it is more and more common to suffer persecution for Christ, Christians should face such times with a joy that cannot be explained by the world. God is sovereign, His promises are certain, and this world is fleeting! What hope this creates and what a rock on which to stand for those who follow Christ.

While the secular world might struggle to find a list of items for which to give thanks, Christians have an ever-steady gaze on eternity, grasping all the more firmly their faith in Christ when the tempest of trials roars around them.

Take time this season to see if your thankfulness is more than a list or a prayer, but an all-consuming attitude of your heart. It should overflow in your speech and action throughout the year, enabling you to be an effective ambassador for Christ.

Repent of any discontent attitudes you have expressed lately and make an action plan to foster true, Biblical thankfulness in your heart. If we were honest, our list of thanks is long. Every good and perfect gift in our lives is from above. Somehow, if trials are too severe to recognize temperal blessings, we still have an anchor of hope. We have a Savior! We have a future! We have a holy God who allows us to come to Him through Christ! Thank God today.

Happy birthday, Ryan!

2008-11-16T10:27:00.000-08:00

This week is Ryan's birthday! In celebration, Ryan, Carter and I will be going to Disneyland on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday and staying at the Grand Californian for two nights. Due to pregnancy nausea, we didn't get a real vacation this summer, so, now that the nausea is better, we are doing a couple of little get aways before the baby comes.

I have written before about what a blessing my husband is to me and our family, but I have to say it again. He is an amazing spiritual leader and hard worker. What a great example he is to myself and our kids.

In celebration of his birthday, here are a few Ryan facts you may or may not know. Enjoy!

--Ryan's favorite foods are steak (really seasoned), Coca Cola or Dr. Pepper, popcorn, chips and salsa and chocolate.

--Ryan has lived in California, Ohio, Michigan, Washington DC and the Dominican Republic.

--Ryan loves geography and knows a lot of trivia about it.

--Ryan became a Christian at Jr. High camp in Ohio.

--Ryan likes to read and listen to his i-Pod before he goes to sleep each night.

--Ryan loves going to the movies.

--Ryan speaks Spanish fairly fluently (he wrote a proposal paper completely in Spanish while living in the Dominican Republic). He'll deny this, saying he hasn't used his Spanish in years, but he'd pick it back up.

--Ryan majored in business and got his master's in international relations.

--Ryan loves to travel internationally. (Though any kind of trip is fun to him).

--Ryan never naps.

--Ryan loves mountains--anything about them: camping, backpacking, hiking, etc.

--Ryan was a happy, but crazy/active kid who talked a lot. (Remind you of anyone?)

--Ryan had a fooseball table in his dining room when Chiara met him.

--Ryan hates spiders.

--Ryan was a high school valedictorian, graduated the top of his class from Michigan State and attended Johns Hopkins International School of business. (Can you spell S-M-A-R-T?)

--Ryan loves soccer and still tries to play it at lunch from time to time at work.

--Ryan fainted during a high school choir performance.

--Ryan likes to tell jokes and be funny.

--Before working at Taco Bell, Ryan wanted to be an international business consultant who could help poor companies get started in poor Latin American countries.

--Ryan would love to go to Africa, Australia, and a place with giant waterfalls in South America (sorry, honey, I forgot the name).

--Ryan snuck into ancient ruins in Guatemala and spent the night. He went to a "temple" to change his clothes, only to look up and see he was in a room with hundreds of bats.

--Ryan used to run track and cross country in college.

--Ryan got lost running in Washington DC on a high school missions trip and had to get help from firefighters.

--Ryan is the love of Chiara's life.

--Ryan makes everyone smile.

--Ryan is special, and I wish him a VERY happy birthday!

The Sin of Passivity

2008-11-05T13:06:00.000-08:00

James 4:16b "Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins."

This post might be more of a personal confession, but I think the thoughts and points will resonate strongly with most of you.

Yesterday's election, and the months leading up to it, woke me up to the state of society around me and exposed the ugly sin of spiritual passivity in my life. One of my spiritual goals is always to be better at boldness and sharing the gospel. I wish I had the desire to proclaim Christ and truth more clearly, proficiently and often, but I let the cares of this world and the comforts of this life lull me into a state of lazy attempts to bring others to church or to show love in how I live my life ("They will see the difference in my own life," I say. "They will see Christ shining through my example.")

My comfort induced spiritual coma was rudely awakened by the issues brought before us all in the election. Suddenly, as I mentioned in my last post, I was confronted with Christians who were ignoring parts of scripture (such as I was to be a bold witness for Christ!) to better conform to the modern society around them. Ignorance was stripped away when I realized how little the truths of God mattered to both secular society and "Christians."

Certainly, it would be easy to point a finger at others and accuse them of false teaching, twisting Jesus' commands and words without context. However, I find the Holy Spirit pointing a finger at me and reminding me that years of Christian passivity and "tolerance" has allowed Satan to better spread lies and ignorance in our society.

I don't think I was the only person who was suddenly shocked to find that Christians were arguing with me about the rights of gay marriage and abortion. I wasn't the only one discouraged at the number of people voting in favor of murder or sexual sin. "Of course people understand what God commands," I supposed.

Scripture tells us to share the truth with others--not just live a life that appears attractive to others. 2 Timothy 4:1-5 is clear in what we need to do at ALL times. "I charge you therefore before God and the Lord Jesus Christ, who will judge the living and the dead at His appearing and His kingdom: Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season. Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching. For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but according to their own desires, because they have itching ears, they will heap up for themselves teachers; and they will turn their ears away from the truth, and be turned aside to fables. But you be watchful in all things, endure afllictions, do the work of an evangeslist, fulfill your ministry."

Notice the verse says to Preach the word--not just the gospel (which is the foundation, of course) but the WHOLE Bible. Not only do we need to share the Good News with the lost, we need to correct Christians who are errant in obeying and understanding God's scripture. The verse also states in season and out of season. What does this mean? This means we must preach the word both when it is popular and suitable to do so and when it is not well-received or convenient for us. We shouldn't just get active in speaking truth during an election--we need to have ZEAL for God's truth all the time.

I am ashamed that I was caught so off guard in my passivity and lack of awareness at where people stood on eternal truths. I assumed most people in society were not truly saved, but I had no grasp as to the extent of false teachings in churches and the lives of Christians across America. We too quickly abandon the unpopular exercise of amonishment in favor of love, tolerance, and encouragement (which each have a positive place behind the exercise of TRUTH).

I don't think I'm the only one feeling convicted of falling short in this area. We know God is in control of our country and our society, but we also know that He allows us to see the repurcussions of our sin, such as when we are not bold and obedient for Him. Perhaps, though He works all things out for His glory and the believers' good, we are truly reaping what we sow--or, as I am mourning in repentance today, what we fail to sow.

James 4:4 "You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God."

The Authority of Scripture

2008-10-28T08:42:00.000-07:00

I'm tired today. I am not speaking of physical exhaustion, but I am feeling emotionally tired. For the past few days, I have been bombarded with instances of "Christians" voicing opinions that are contrary to scripture and God. They do all in the voice of love and tolerance. Many do it in ignorance of the truths of scripture. However, they all are wrong and are missing the mark.

This isn't new in our modern society, however. The elections and mainstream media are just highlighting the prevalency of this erroneous thought lately. These viewpoints punctuate much of society, and it is making me sad. The authority of God's Word, the Bible, has taken a back seat to opinions, cultural beliefs and political correctness. The Bible is deemed too negative, too judgemental, and too out of touch with today's society and its evolved sensibilities. "God is all about love!" they chant. "God wants us to be tolerant and not judge!" they respond. Wrong. To hear some wonderful sermons about these very points, visit our church website at http://www.compasschurch.org/ and listen to the sermons for October 26th and October 19th. We mistake God's patience for His approval. We are clearly told, however, that we will all be accountable to our Maker--regardless of whether we agree with Him or not.

Today, in the Orange County Register, Robert A. Schuller, is celebrating the great work that the Crystal Cathetral has done in theology. "He said the biggest accomplishment of the 'Hour of Power' is that it is transforming the theology of the church across America from 'a negative theology to a positive theology. Historically, there has been a tremendous emphasis on sin,' he said. 'Crystal Cathedral was larely responsible for developing self-esteem among the faithful. This church has taken the gospel in a positive light and spread that positive message around the world.'"

Upon first read, this doesn't sound awful to most Christian Americans. We are so used to now hearing about the need for positive outreach and helping people in love. Look closely, however. He is saying that the emphasis on sin in the gospel message--what leads us to repentance and true salvation, mind you--has been replaced with the message of self-esteem. Since when do people need more focus on themselves? The gospel message is first about SIN!!!!! We won't understand our need for God and Jesus' death on the cross if we don't understand our sin and lack of holiness.

A friend of mine posted a quick note on Proposition 8 on Facebook. For you out of state friends, Proposition 8 is trying to keep same sex marriage from being legal in California. This seems like a no brainer. However, there were 28 comments to his quick note, most of the comments dissenting against his stand against homosexuality. Sadly, these comments were made by professing Christians. They had no understanding of scripture--things were taken out of context or were seen as culturally irrelevant in modern day. The Bible isn't a work of literature with which we can agree or disagree if we are followers of Christ. It is the inerrant Word of God! This isn't like picking your toppings on your frozen yogurt. You have to accept the whole package and obey God's commands. If we don't see the Bible as the definitive view of right and wrong, we are joining in the sliding morals and rules of our relativistic society. 2 Timothy 4:3 tells us, "For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear."

God has never been about our opinions or feelings on what is holy and what is sin. He doesn't need to be. HE IS OUR CREATOR! Isaiah 29:16 says, "You turn things upside down, as if the potter were thought to be like the clay! Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'He did not make me'? Can the pot say of the potter, 'He knows nothing'?

These discussions among "Christians" about truths spelled out in scripture are tedious. If a person claims to be a follower of Christ's and yet rejects scripture's truths, they are probably not His, or they are ignorant and need to be taught. The Bible tells us in 2 Timothy 3:16-17, "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, for reproof, for correction and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent , equipped for every good work." We need to make sure we use the "Manual" God has left us to make our decisions and decide what is right and wrong. God tells us in Psalm 19:7 that "The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple."

On the other hand, the great debates and philosophies of this age are really nothing new. Throughout history, people have claimed to know a better way and to be wise in their own eyes. God responds to this. I Corinthians 1:20 scoffs, "Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philospher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?" I Corinthians 1: 27 adds, "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong." God's truth might seem archaic and silly to our "evolved" society, but, in truth, society is in bondage to its sin and stuck in its foolishness.

So, should we throw up our hands and walk away? Not necessarily. We have been commanded by God to admonish and encourage other believers and to share the gospel with those who are not saved. Though it is an uphill battle, we know we are using God's power, and not our own. Paul didn't despair. He said, in Romans 1:14, "I am obligated both to Greeks and non-Greeks, both to the wise and the foolish." There will be many who do not repent and do not see the truth, but there will be some that see the truth and are snatched from the fire.

We should never discuss cultural ideas in the light of relativism when there are Biblical truths that address the issue. Use the authority of scripture. Though it will be rejected by many, we know the power of the Word to save and bring to righteousness! Hebrews 4:12 attests to the power of Scripture. "For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thought sand attitudes of the heart."

Though I lose heart when I feel overwhelmed by the lies of society and this world, I know God is still victor. I feel better after writing this post. I needed the reminder that we should "fear not, for [He] has overcome the world." (John 16:33)

" . . . for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God." I John 5: 4-5

Legacy

2008-10-24T11:30:00.001-07:00

II Peter 1:12-15 "Therefore, I will always be ready to remind you of these things, even though you already know them, and have been established in the truth which is present with you. I consider it right, as long as I am in this earthly dwelling, to stir you up by way of reminder, knowing that the laying aside of my earthly dwelling is imminent, as also our Lord Jesus Christ has made clear to me. And I will also be diligent that at any time after my departure you will be able to call these things to mind."

In Women's Bible Study, we are learning about II Peter, and we just studied II Peter 1:12-15. in the prior verses, Peter reminds the church of the basic truths of Christianity. Here, he mentions his death and martyrdom is near. Instead of lamenting his own dwindling life, giving up His calling to go just spend time with his wife and family, he had an eternal perspective and wrote of how every ounce of energy left on earth would be spent in strengthening Christ's church and reminding them of Biblical truths so they would never forget.

In small group, we talked about how Peter's legacy was to reach out to other believers in order to strengthen, admonish and encourage them. He used his own past failures of anxiety, fear, denial, and lack of courage to teach others to not fall prey to these same vices.

The question was posed: What is your legacy now, and what would you like your legacy to be?

If I were perfectly honest with myself, my legacy is being busy at church, staying at home with my kids, and keeping a clean, nice house (I hope). Though those are great things, they only SCRATCH the surface of what I wish to do.

If I had to sum up my desire in one goal, it would be that my legacy to others is that God is EVERYTHING. He was the LORD of my life, and I didn't let other worries and concerns distract me from that truth. He was my number one priority. I can't say that is my legacy now.

I spend more time griping about whatever, worrying about this and that, and gabbing about kids, personal appearances and other "distractions" than I spend on REALLY discussing God with others.

Take time to think about your legacy. If people had to sum up the whole of your life, what would they say? Are you worried more about what people say about you/their external perceptions than you are about what God thinks of your actions, thoughts and attitudes?

LORD, forgive me for my weakness and sin and for not always making You my number one priority. I love You and want my legacy to be YOU. Thank you for Your mercy and the opportunities You continuously put before me to serve You!

Carter's First Sports Class

2008-10-20T17:38:00.000-07:00

When Carter found out I signed him up for a baseball (T-ball), soccer and basketball class, he was beside himself with excitement. The class is a mommy-and-me half hour class through the school district, but Carter keeps calling it his "soccer team class". This morning was his first class, and he was literally jumping all over the house until it started at 9:00. Carter has two friends from Compass Bible Church in his class too, Parker Vigue and Luke Cummings.

Coach Tyler is Carter's teacher, and, poor guy, he is about 23 and has little kid experience. I was laughing inside when he lined the kids up (all between ages 2 and 1/2 and 3 and 1/2) in a horizontal line and asked them to patiently wait there until he called their number to run a relay. All the kids were confused because they got a number that wasn't their age (except Carter, who was number 2 somehow). One kid dissolved into tears until they changed his number from 5 to 3. "I'm 3!" he howled. It was hilarious.

We practiced catching and throwing a wiffle ball (baseball). Carter has an amazing throwing arm, but he couldn't catch the wiffle ball if his life depended on it. I'm trying to teach him he can move his feet or hands in any direction to get the ball. He stands there like a statue until the ball drops around him.

The class was fun, and Carter had a blast. It was fun seeing Carter interact with peers and teaching him in his favorite manner (kinesthetically). He can't wait until next Monday!

It's a Boy!

2008-10-16T15:46:00.000-07:00

Well, we had our big ultrasound yesterday, and we are officially a boy family, which is something I imagined all along. I just don't believe I'm girlie enough to have a daughter, as I didn't enjoy dolls growing up, I don't do nails or hair, and I am not in tune with my emotions like most girls. Ryan and I laugh that I act more like a guy sometimes with my habits than he does. I always liked the matter of fact and sensible way guys deal with life--no drama.
What gives me the greatest joy, however, is that I know the gender, and everything else about this little guy, was planned by my Creator ahead of time. He is the picture of health, and it was answers to our prayer that there was not a single physical worry about the baby.
I can't wait to meet him--no names yet, but we have a list started. Carter is going to be both excited and, probably, put off by the arrival of another boy, but they will be good buddies as they grow up together. I pray I have enough energy to be a mom of two boys, but it will certainly keep me from being physically lazy! I'll keep you posted on names and news as the pregnancy progresses.

Fireproof

2008-10-06T07:37:00.000-07:00

I am not usually one to promote anything in Hollywood, but this weekend Ryan and I saw a movie that was such a breath of fresh air. In our marriage ministry, we had been promoting the new Christian movie, Fireproof, and even held an activity to go see it at our local theater. Unfortunately, that was the day after I came down with a bad cold, fever, chills and a sore throat, and it was the same night as my dad's surgery, so we were not able to go that evening.

Well, this weekend, my parents watched Carter while Ryan and I went to Outback for dinner and, afterward, saw Fireproof. To be honest, I was thinking it would be an uplifting and inspirational movie, but I expected some low budget acting and cheesy scenes. I had seen Christian movies in the past, and this seemed to be an expected formula.

Wow, was I floored! Fireproof should be on every Christ follower's must view list. It presented the gospel more clearly and accurately than any Christian film I had ever seen. It didn't just talk about God's love and grace--it dealt clearly with the issues of sin, missing the mark of God's holiness and our need for forgiveness. It wasn't just about saying a "sinner's prayer." The movie clearly showed a changed life and fruit from the repentance and faith that led to the salvation of a character.

In addition, Ryan and I lead a marriage ministry at church and find it so discouraging when we see how Satan sneaks into marriages with lies and temptation. This movie dealt with common problems head on and in a very realistic way. I was shocked that it was so honest and didn't romanticize the problems that marriages face.

I won't say any more, for fear of giving away too much of the plot, but I cannot urge you enough to see it. Bring non-Christian friends--especially those who might be struggling in marriage. Even if they are not, it gives an extended and amazing presentation of the gospel. Ryan and I both said we enjoyed the movie so much we were sad when it ended. The whole movie audience applauded when the credits were rolling at the end. I left the theater that night so full of joy and amazement that this type of message is allowed in a mainstream theater--though it be in limited release.

Before it leaves the theater, please go see it. You won't be sorry. Oh, and you'll understand the picture of the salt and pepper shakers AFTER you see the movie!

Overwhelmed

2008-10-02T07:48:00.000-07:00

As most of you can gather from my lack of new posts, life has been hectic this last week. Last week, I celebrated my birthday on Tuesday. We were able to spend the afternoon and evening with friends from out of town on Wednesday. On Thursday, I came down with a cold that--due to my run-down body--has turned into over a week of coughing and sinus infections. On Friday, my dad had surgery for his prostate and, thankfully, has been able to recover slowly, and well, at home since Saturday. Sunday, my father-in-law had a bicycle accident and landed in the emergency room with five broken ribs, a broken clavicle and a scatched or punctured lung. On Tuesday of this week, we received all new bedroom furniture, which required that I pack up all of our bedroom on Monday. In all of this, we have had to continue our normal weekly responsibilities of leading a ministry at church, parenting a two year old and dealing with pregnancy nausea and fatigue.

During this time, my attitude has not always been great, but I am aiming to focus on Christ's sovereignty and the honor of representing Christ to others around me. As always, God has provided and given me strength for each day. None of these events is as devastating as what some friends are facing currently, and I know it. God faithfully puts my struggles in perspective and keeps me striving for a thankful heart in all circumstances.

How easily we get overwhelmed! Life is messy and hard sometimes, but God doesn't change with the circumstances. He is in control. He is still my Redeemer and King. His promises do not change, and He still requires holy obedience from me.

Thank you, LORD, that you show me Your strength in my weakness. Thank you for being the Rock that is higher than I.

Psalm 139:7-8 "Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me; You will stretch forth Your hand against the wrath of my enemies, And Your right hand will save me. The LORD will accomplish what concerns me; Your lovingkindness, O LORD, is everlasting; Do not forsake the works of You hands."

The Haircut--Part 2

2008-09-20T10:58:00.000-07:00

I have posted before about Carter's affinity for screaming during haircuts. If you missed the background story, read "The Haircut", in my November 16, 2007 post.

Yesterday we reached a new level of embarrassment. I naively called First Cuts to make the dreaded haircut appointment, and we were told there were some "notes" in Carter's file. The receptionist sweetly explained they would have the "quiet room" ready for us when we arrived.

Upon getting there, we sheepishly approached the front desk, upon which the receptionist looked up disapprovingly and said, "Is this Carter?" They were really not looking forward to this.

She whispered to one of the hairdressers and gestured toward the back of the store. The hairdresser went from smiling sweetly to a resigned sigh as she led us to the back of the room.

The quiet room is in the very back of the store, and it separates the "special" haircut chair from the rest of the room by a glass partition. "When he cries, it scares the other kids," she explained as she shut the door behind us.

It was horrible. I had to hold Carter on my lap, and all the other moms and kids stared at the banished mother and child who were on display through the glass in the "quiet room."

Carter did well for about 2 minutes. However, as soon as the first chunks of hair fell on his hand--he refused to wear the cape--he screamed. He didn't stop until he got down from the chair. He is deathly afraid of his own hair falling on him. I don't understand. At first I thought it was the razor or the idea of being messy, but I realized he thinks we are mutilating his head somehow. Seeing chunks of hair falling on him is torture to him. He tries to shake it off, which only sends hair flying all through the air onto me and the rest of him.

Luckily, they gave us the fast hairdresser. She had his hair done in about 5 minutes. Carter's lung capacity was a huge motivation for her. After a good dusting of baby powder to get the hair off Carter's arms and hands, we paid a generous tip and hobbled out once again. You can see the before and after pictures on this post.

I had heard they are less afraid of haircuts between 2 and 3 years old. Carter is 2 and 1/2 now. I'm still waiting. The hairdresser told me the next baby won't be afraid of haircuts. "You always get a good one and a bad one," she reassured me. Well, we are already banned from Supercuts, and now we are banished to the quiet zone of First Cuts, so I'm praying she is right.

Make Every Effort

2008-09-17T15:18:00.000-07:00

When I taught third grade, we would introduce the kids to typing programs during computer lab. At first, the keyboard was tedious, took time and seemed much more of a pain than a learning tool. However, by the middle of the year, those children who had practiced their typing on a regular basis were beginning to see the benefits of the tool. Suddenly, searching the internet was easier. Finally, typing out an essay was faster than writing it by hand. It would frustrate me when I witnessed some of my students stuck in phase one of the keyboard introduction, refusing to practice and missing out on the usefulness of the tool they had before them. They expected any typing to be done by their parents or teacher, thinking that it was too much work to learn finger placement and practice typing accuracy and speed. They were missing a huge benefit.

Today and next week in our church's Women's Bible Study, we are studying the first half of II Peter 1. Today we studied the necessity of using the tools God has given us. First we camped on the well known verse of II Peter 1:3, "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His glory and goodness." It is convicting to read that passage and realize we have no excuse to say we are lacking a tool to be holy in a situation. God has given us the Holy Spirit and His Word to guide us in our actions. In my Bible's commentary on this verse, John MacArthur even writes, "To be godly is to live reverently, loyally, and obediently toward God. Peter means that the genuine-believer ought not to ask God for somthing more (as if something necessary to sustain his growth, strength and perseverance was missing) to become godly, because he already has every spiritual resource to manifest, sustain and perfect godly living." (Pg. 1922, NASB) How often, when I have sinned, do I run in repentance to God and ask Him for more strength next time I face that situation?! He has given me His strength already! What I lack is obedience.

In conjunction with this verse, we studied the famous passage of I Corinthians 10:13: "No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it." Growing up, I always thought that this verse meant God would give me a moment to flee the temptation through supernatural means--a phone would ring, a person would interrupt the conversation, the electricity would go out, etc. Something would interrupt the moment enough that I would have a way to escape the tempting situation. Again, I was putting much of the responsibility on God, without much effort on my part. Of course, God graciously can, and does, do this from time to time, but that is not what this verse is primarily saying. As we just mentioned in II Peter 1, God has ALREADY given us the means necessary to escape and fight temptation. We have His Word and the Holy Spirit. If we truly are saturated in the Word and know God, His pure and perfect will, then we will be able to recall truth to fight the sinful lie we are facing.

Here comes the convicting application. We must make an effort. The strength and holiness is all God's, but He lovingly equips us. We must use the tools He gives us. We must be in the Word daily--reading, studying, memorizing, meditating. We must have prayer and have quiet time to listen to and converse with God. We must respond to the Holy Spirit when we feel conviction or prompting. We must make every effort to use what God has supplied to us.

II Peter 1:5 tells us that to avoid the corruption of the world we must be "applying all diligence" or "making every effort" to exercise godly qualities. In fact, Peter even lists several upon which to focus. There is no doubt that this requires effort.

Despite what the world tells us and what our fleshly nature desires, the Christian walk is not an exercise in laziness and just gathering blessings from above. We are aliens in this world, fighting a daily battle against sin and Satan, and denying our flesh to become more and more like our Savior, Jesus Christ. Thankfully, God gives us all we need to do this successfully. We just need to make every effort to utilize His gracious gifts to us.

Thrive

2008-09-08T20:02:00.000-07:00

For six years now, Ryan and I have participated in a marriage ministry at church. It has evolved over time, beginning as a group for young marrieds with no kids. The group is now much bigger and encompasses marrieds--ages 20's to 40's--with or without kids.

It has been an amazing journey to make friends with other young marrieds before any of us had children and to be there as some of us have had our first and second (and third) babies, as we have struggled with financial difficulties, as we have navigated our marriages with the adjustment of children, as we have grown in our walks with God, and as we have become more apparent and real in our own friendships with one another.

We have the ability to turn to others to ask about quiet time with newborns, disciplining in a Biblical manner, ministering to our spouses in creative ways, potty training, date night ideas, etc, etc. From this group has sprung moms groups, CARE ministries providing meals, flowers, cards and prayer, activities groups (see our 80's night picture above), workout groups, babysitting swaps, open doors into other service areas at church, and a million other networks that bless the socks off many people. There have been a thousand baby showers, dinners brought to families in need, kids clothes and maternity clothes swapped among Thrivers, prayer warriors lifting up anything from doctor's appointments to marital problems, small group Bible studies and accountability meetings.

This Thursday, Thrive starts up again. Ryan and I cannot stress what this group means to us individually and as a couple. We joined the group as an engaged couple six years ago. We quickly found friends who would be dear brothers and sisters in Christ to us. Our marriage has always had a support system through this group and the couples who attend it. From the beginning, we learned the vital importance of centering EVERYTHING on God and His will for us. We have been spurred on and prompted by others going through similar situations.

The purpose of Thrive is to have a group that spurs us on to grow in our walk with God, mature in our relationship with our spouses and deepen our friendship with other couples in our same lifestage. This year we are studying the book of II Timothy. Our theme is "Finish Well." Ryan and I spent the summer writing the homework/small group questions for the year, and I am so excited for the encouragement and conviction that will come from this study. In addition, we are stepping up our accountability to require more from us, knowing that God wants us to be progressing forward.

God has used this group tremendously. It is such a blessing that I sometimes feel guilty for enjoying it so much. I cannot wait for this year to start in order to see where God is leading the group.

You can learn more about Thrive at the Compass Bible Church website: http://www.compasschurch.org/ and clicking on the link to the marriage ministry or by joining Facebook and viewing our group site: Thrive marriage ministry on the Facebook network.

Hebrews 10:24-25

"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching."

Snoogle

2008-08-22T08:40:00.000-07:00

Well, in vain hopes of sleeping better on those nauseated nights, I searched storage and aired out my pregnancy pillow, called a Snoogle. It didn't help me at all, but Carter found a new favorite toy. At first, he was a little frightened of the pillowy heap on the floor by my bed, but as soon as I reassured him that it was only a pillow and told him it had a name--Snoogle--he was hooked. He claimed it as his own and calls to me various times throughout the day, "Mooooommmmy! Come Snoogle with me!"

He is in a momma's boy stage, hugging me constantly and saying, "I love my mommy." (much to Ryan's chagrin). He loves his daddy too, but perhaps he has an inkling of what is to come in 6 and a half months and he's latching on a little tighter.

I have also finally seen him love books. Both Ryan and I love to read (though Ryan, the business major, reads more currently than his English major wife), so I kept wondering why my active little boy hadn't "discovered" a joy for books. Now, he loves stories. His current favorites are The Very Hungry Catepillar (because he can count all the foods) and a story, called Little Buddy, that I made up to pass time with Carter in an airport. He'll settle for any book, though. I took him to the public library again, recently, and I can't understand why the Mission Viejo branch fills the kids' section with toys. Of course, he doesn't sit and read. He wants to play with blocks, puzzles and Legos. I'll have to try a different city branch.

Anyway, enjoy the Snoogle pictures. They crack me up.

Because I said so

2008-08-15T19:43:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."

Carter has definitely been exercising his little will lately. His preferred expression after any statement is "Why?" This can be an innocent, curious why or an insolent, challenging why--much in the way you would imagine a teenager uttering the phrase. The disrespectful why usually follows an imperative which he doesn't like--pick up your toys, turn off the TV, do not eat that now, etc. Sometimes I take the time to explain my reasoning to him, giving him the valid safey reasons, affecting circumstances, or motives behind me asking him or telling him to do something. More often than not, however, I have reverted to the expression, "Because Mommy said so, and God tells you to obey mommy." I shouldn't always have to explain my thought processes or reasons to a two year old. Sometimes I want him to understand, but sometimes I just want him to obey--regardless of whether or not he understands why.

This week has been a hard week for many in my extended family. In one week, they will have faced trials of a miscarriage, job loss and surgery. It was one of those weeks when, much like my two year old, I was required to obey God's plan and direction, but I was tempted to pout and ask "why?" However, I know that rebellion and anger is a futile exercise. God is sovereign. He is in charge. God is perfect and has a plan for each of His believers that will all work out for good. I have limited understanding before an omniscient God.

My sister-in-law has been a perfect example of firmly trusing in the midst of a very difficult trial this week. She and her husband have never wavered in their faith and love for God, even when He asked for a large sacrifice and loss. She has been an amazing example to many at our church who are undergoing trials and might be struggling to stand firm. With grace and humility, she has gently submitted to God's will with obedience and hope.

We don't always know the reasons why things happen. We do know God has complete control, and only those things which He allows can enter our lives. Instead of mimicking the stubborn attitude of a two year old, may we have the maturity and hope to obey our sovereign Creator--even when all God reveals to us is, "Because I said so."

Thankfulness

2008-08-11T10:47:00.000-07:00

Okay, one of my ways of combating self pity and the blues during my days of morning sickness is to constantly give praise to God and thank Him for His goodness. It is such a reality check when I take the time to just list the gifts he has POURED into my life. I urge you to do the same if you are ever tempted to compare your life to another or feel that life has been or is somehow unfair.

Thank you, Heavenly Father for:

--My salvation. I am a sinful person washed clean in your blood and sacrifice!

--My husband. He makes me laugh, he loves me for who I am, and he understands me. I love him so much! Help me to always Biblically serve him and love him unconditionally.

--My son and our second baby on the way. I love my children and am in awe that you entrusted them to me to teach Your ways. Give me strength to do better!

--My church body. I love our church. I love the teaching. I love the desire for God's truths. I love the fellowship and encouragement. I love the support. I love the opportunity to serve your beloved. I love knowing you are growing me each and every day.

--Thrive. I love our marriage ministry. I am constantly encouraged and humbled in this group. There are so many men and women who show me how far I have to go. They are amazing slaves for Your kingdom. I love working on my ministry to Ryan and growing closer to you, God.

--Friends for Carter. There are so many great friends at church for Carter. You gave me a very social little boy, so the plethora of little buddies is such a gift!

--Your Word. Each day I learn more about You and what you are teaching me, and I find such a peace and comfort from the truths you present to me.

--Our home. I forget to be appreciative of this. Cleaning, gardening and household duties get my mind off the focus of the blessing of having a bright, happy home for our family. May I do my best to represent You correctly to anyone who enters here.

--Ryan's job. Though it is long hours, you have provided tremendously for us. You have given us stability and financial blessings. May we use this gift to bless others!

--Friends. It really wasn't until I was a Christian after college, and my focus began to turn outside myself that I came to realize the blessings of friends and serving others. May we sharpen one another and encourage one another--never forgetting to tell one another how thankful we are for our friendship!

--Family--It is such a tremendous blessing that you have given us much of our family living within minutes of us. Most importantly, we are all believers--like-minded and understanding the hope we all have in even the hardest times.

--All the parks we have around us for Carter to play his little heart out.

--Books. I love to read, and I love that you have given me a great enjoyment for reading.

--Creativity. This might sound strange, but I love that I can escape while baking a cake, drawing a picture or writing a story. I enjoy being creative and using a gift you have given me. It gives me great joy!

--Health. God you gave me a body that has relatively few issues with disease or illness. Thank you that I can get out of bed each morning and that even morning sickness is doing its purpose in my life right now.

--Football. I love watching autumn football games--the band playing, the whistles blowing, the helmets crashing and the crowd cheering. It is a fun hobby every year!

--Cooking. I love to cook, especially in the cool weather of fall and winter. Simmering soups and crock pot creations smell so comforting when you enter your home from a chilly day outside.

--Sleep. I do love to sleep! It is amazing how much you realize the gift of sleep when it eludes you. Thank you that my body can rest and the flurry of life takes a break.

--Music. What a special gift you give us in music. We can express our feelings and enjoy something beautiful.

--Trees. Strange, I know. I love trees. If I ever took a painting class, I would paint trees. When I was little, I would sit still and listen to the quiet rustling of leaves in the forest near us as the wind would dance through the Eucalyptus trees. Lacy Birches and stoic pine trees are some of my favorites too.

--Fun. You are an amazing God to give us fun breaks. Trips to Disneyland, vacations, family get togethers, dinners out. What a treat that with the labor of life, you give us enjoyable moments sprinkled throughout.

--Prayer. It is staggering that I can speak to the Creator of the universe. You hear me and respond. What a privelege!

Okay, this post is getting long, and I could go on forever. Truly. Once you start your list, you get on a roll. I could go on and on. I feel lifted with gratitude to God! He is such a loving, gracious Father. Thank you, God!