Love Dare: Day 31

So, if Ryan doesn't know about me doing the Love Dare on him, I am shocked. If he does know, he is doing a great job of hiding the fact he knows. I was thinking about how I would tell him, and I thought our anniversary night away--on December 28th--would be a great time to talk about it. I should be finished, and we can talk through the points I found hard or on which I need to work more. : ) As you know from last year's blog post right after our anniversary, we go away each year to celebrate and set our marriage goals. This year we are running a goal setting conference on January 9th. We will be teaching other couples how to run a goal setting time each year and what should be communicated. You can be praying that goes well!

So, today's chapter was called Love and Marriage. It is about the oneness of marriage, with a focus on the need to let go of the parent/child relationship when you get married. Really, it is talking about any relationship in which the husband or wife is second fiddle.

In our marriage, it is a balancing act. We both have great parents who live very close. They are supportive and loving, but it is tempting to have such a close relationship and not sometimes value their input over your spouse's. I don't think it is a huge problem, but we do need to always be aware that we have that oneness and continually check that we have left and cleaved to our spouse. I am so blessed to have such a great marriage AND godly parents on both sides. We have an amazing support system.

The Dare for today is to identify any "leaving" issues you may have and to confess it to your spouse. Then, together, commit to making it right and make your marriage a top priority over every other human relationship.

Love Dare: Day 30

Hi, friends. What a week! I apologize for not posting sooner, but, like I said, what a week! We had a roof leak, a play to perform and memorize for church, two sick kids, one night of no sleep and up with a feverish kiddo, and no end of Christmas prep and life's normal business.

I'm back, though.

Today's chapter is called Love Brings Unity. It was a wonderful look at how God is the perfect picture of unity. He asks the church body to be in unity, He gives us the perfect example of the trinity, and he points to Christ's mission here on earth to do the will of the Father.

Marriage is a small picture of God's call to unity. Husbands and wives are to be faithful for life, they are to serve one another in peace, and they are to think about the plans, desires and needs of the other. Imagine if we all could live out our marriages with such ideals in place--what blessings it would bring in our homes!

The dare for today is "Isolate one area of division in your marriage, and look on today as a fresh opportunity to pray about it. Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse. Pray that He would do the same for them. And if appropriate, discuss this matter openly, seeking God for unity."

Love Dare: Day 29

Today's chapter is called "Love's Motivation." This chapter is about how our love for our spouse is not motivated by what they earn or deserve. As Christians, our love for our spouse is motivated by God's love for us. We are to love "as unto the Lord."

The dare today is to pray for your spouse before they get home. Pray for them by name and pray for their needs. Then, when you see them, you are to say, "I love you," and love them in a practical, tangible way. After you do this, pray for them again and thank God that you are given the chance to show unconditional love to your spouse.

Love Dare: Day 28

Love Makes Sacrifices. This was a tough chapter to read, and I would guess it would be for anyone. We are programed to respond to our own needs when we need help or intervention. Like a finger touching a burning surface, we move into action and let everyone around us know we are out of sorts. "I'm so tired!" "The kids have been SO sick/bad/crazy . . ." "I am feeling down" "I am overwhelmed!"

When our spouses speak to us with some complaining or confession of needing help, we dismiss it easily and don't respond as we expect people to respond when WE need help.

Today's chapter even reached into the realms of physical intimacy. Our spouses often have to let us know they need this through vocalization. This is sad. We need to be paying enough attention to protect our spouse BEFORE this happens and we certainly should respond when they voice a concern.

Today's dare is to sacrifice time, energy, and resources to do the one thing your spouse needs you to do most today. I told you this was a tough read . . . but a good one!

Love Dare: Day 27

Love encourages. This is the chapter title for today, and it was a great reminder. Both Ryan and myself are a bit type-A, and we can impatiently project high expectations on each other rather than encouraging and accepting one another.

I know I've gotten a lot better in this area. I used to have the romantic notions that men could read women's minds and that life is much rosier in a relationship. Well, life is blessed by marriage, but it is still hard. Furthermore, I know that I have to communicate if I am feeling disappointed by my spouse. Ryan can't read my mind, and I have to assume it isn't a purposeful ommitance. Rather, he just is being human. I certainly don't consider others all the time or perfectly in every situation.

So, today's dare is to eliminate any unrealistic expectations and to promise your spouse you will be more accepting in any area you identify (and seek forgiveness if you have been discouraging them).

I think many couples struggle with unrealistic expectations, which is why divorce rates are so high. We all married fallen human beings, so we can't expect more than that. We need to forgive, encourage and admonish when biblically necessary. How marriages would change if we lived in a way where we die to self and consider our spouse more! Imagine!