Not my child! Dealing with Bitterness in Parenting

Ephesians 4: 31-32 "Let all bitterness . . . be put away fromyou . . . Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."

Last Friday, I was sweating away in a workout at my gym, when a worker from the Kids' Zone came up to me and said I had to come change my baby's dirty diaper. Well, when I arrived at the childcare area, a set of unhappy faces met me and asked, "Are you also Carter's mom?" My heart sank. I affirmatively responded, and they told me that he had been reprimanded for a fit (they don't know the reason he was having a fit), and he was put in a time out, where he proceeded to scream and cry for half an hour. I was so disappointed in Carter. He is strong willed, but he usually obeys authority and does not throw screaming fits.

I gave up on working out again that day, and I promptly pulled Carter aside to "chat." He apologized to his teacher, got a spanking, was ominously told to "wait until your daddy gets home and hears about this" and was removed from getting any treats that day--no tasters from Costco right after, and there were some good ones that day!

I was VERY serious with him, as was Ryan when he got home, so I thought the heart issue surrounding the screaming fit was fixed for now. At least, I thought, he knows that the screaming fit was COMPLETELY unacceptable. Well, the same Friday, Ryan and I left Carter and Micah at my in-laws so we could have a date night. We arrived back to find out that Carter had indeed had another screaming fit at bedtime. I was SO discouraged and embarrassed. Needless to say, Carter had a repeat of the previous punishments (apologies, spankings and heart training chats) AND missed out on ice cream and cupcakes the next day at a party (a huge deal to my little junk food-a-holic).

I was not happy with Carter in the least. I felt discouraged and overwhelmed. However, this naughty day revealed some sin in my heart. The next day, I was re-reading Feminine Appeal, by Mahaney, when I came across the chapter on being angry, bitter and judgmental toward our kids and husbands. Bingo! I acknowledged I had been all three toward Carter. He deservingly was punished for his behavior, but I realized I was SO angry and bitter not only because he had sinned, but because his behavior had made ME look like a poor parent and had embarrassed me at two locations where I hope to be seen in a positive light. I had to stop and confess my sin right then and there.

Mahaney explains that bitterness happens in our hearts when a person close to us wrongs us. It can be big or little things. For instance, she explains that when your husband leaves his socks on the floor, it isn't a huge deal. However, if he does it habitually, even after we ask him to not do so, we get bitter and resentful. We have most likely let bitterness enter our hearts when we replay a wrong in our minds, wallow in self-pity over a hurt, or withdraw affection from that person. Mahaney also points out that when we are bitter and resentful, we are forgetting our own sins against God. We forget our part in putting Christ on the cross. We cannot forgive others because we have forgotten how much we are forgiven.

After I understood my bitterness from that Friday, I was able to better forgive Carter and parent him joyfully and correctly. Check your heart for bitterness. It could be seeping into your heart when that door is slammed by a family member for the umpteenth time, when your child gets in trouble at school, when your best friend accidentally slights you, when your husband fails to thank you for the special dinner you made, when you get in your car and realize your husband left it on empty for you, when you are cut off in line at the supermarket or driving your car, when your sleeping baby is awoken by the noisy neighbor, etc., etc. We are not immune to it. Recognize it and confess it. God is faithful to forgive us and restore us, and that brings such peace and comfort!

Biblical Parenting Resources to Use with your Kids

Most of the readers of this blog go to my church, but, for those that don't, I couldn't resist writing down some great resources from today's sermon. We just wrapped up a 5 part series on parenting at Compass Bible Church. You can always listen to and download the sermons for free by going to http://www.compasschurch.org/ and then clicking on the Focal Point link. The series was called "Passing the Baton." It is well worth a listen!

Today, our Pastor ended with some practical "how-to's" for parents and those with any exposure to kids. First, we are to train our kids to think Biblically. To do this, he underlined the fact that parents HAVE to be teaching the kids constantly at home. Relying on AWANA, Christian school, or church to do all the Bible teaching is not going to do it. This is the point where Pastor Mike went over all the book resources he recommends for different ages. The list was GREAT, and our Amazon and Christianbook.com bill is going to be big in future months! I'll copy it to the bottom of this post.

The second point was to make sure your kids' hearts rely on God. The main way to do this is to make sure you pray constantly in front of your children. They will see that mom and dad rely on God. Pastor Mike stated that he prays with his family EVERY time they get in the car to go somewhere. They go through their Christmas card photo cards they receive each night at dinner and pray for a family or two. They pray for other countries or missionaries abroad during morning prayers. In addition to praying, Pastor Mike said you have to teach your children to give and not rely on money or grow attached to money. His children have a tithing jar next to their piggy bank, and a part of their allowance always must go to God. In addition, he makes the youngest kids, who don't understand money, give away "stuff," and not just stuff they don't want anymore.

Finally, the third point was to require your kids to go to church and to serve at church. Pastor Mike said it is unacceptable to let your kids decide whether or not they go to church. He treats it as he would school. As long as they are under his roof, his kids have no choice. Plus, they are required to serve in a capacity that makes sense for their age. His youngest kids are to reach out and talk to new kids. His older ones help with organized serving opportunities at church. The whole series was amazing. I recommend a listen! Here is the list of books recommended for children (listed by age):

• • • Resources For Toddlers • • •
Taylor, Ken. The New Bible in Pictures for Little Eyes. Moody Press, 2003.
Walton, John, et al. The Tiny Tots Bible Story Book. Chariot Family Publishers, 1993.
The Candy Cane Press Series: The Story of Adam & Eve; The Story of Noah; etc. (several others in this series)

• • • Resources For Pre-Schoolers • • •
McDowell, Josh and Dottie. The Right Choices Bible. Tyndale Kids, 1998.
Taylor, Ken. Big Thoughts for Little People: ABC’s to Help You Grow. Tyndale House, 1990.
Lewis, Karen. From Arapesh to Zuni: An ABC Book of Bible-less Peoples. Wycliffe Bible Translators, 1986.
The Help Me Be Good Series by Joy Berry: About Disobeying; About Lying; About Whining; etc. (others in this series)

• • • Resources For Elementary Kids • • •
Fabarez, Mike. Bible Survey for Kids: A Simplified Interactive System. Focal Point Ministries, 2009.
Beers, V. Gilbert and Dan Foote. The Step by Step Bible: A Panoramic Journey Through God’s Word. Chariot, 1999.
Schmitt, Betsy. Sticky Situations: 365 Devotions for Kids and Families. Tyndale Kids, 2006.
Ware, Bruce A. Big Truths for Young Hearts: Teaching and Learning the Greatness of God. Crossway, 2009.
Spraggett, Daphne, Window on the World: When We Pray God Works. Authentic Press, 2007.
Taylor, Paul S. The Great Dinosaur Mystery and the Bible. Chariot Victor Publishing, 1998.

• • • Resources For Teens • • •
Fabarez, Mike. The Partners Program for Teens (A 33 Chapter Workbook). Focal Point Ministries, 2008.
George, Jim. The Bare Bones Bible Handbook for Teens: Getting to Know Every Book of the Bible. Harvest, 2008.
Strobel, Lee. The Case for Christ: Student Edition. Zondervan, 2002.
Little, Paul. Know Why You Believe: A Clear Affirmation of the Reasonableness of the Faith. Victory Books ,1987.
Newman, Robert, et al. What’s Darwin Got to Do With It? A Friendly Conversation about Evolution. InterVarsity, 2000.
Geisler, Norman and William Nix. From God to Us: How We Got Our Bible. Zondervan, 1993.
McDowell, Josh. The New Evidence That Demands a Verdict: Evidence I & II. Thomas Nelson, 1999.
Sire, James W. Chris Chrisman Goes to College: And Faces Relativism, Individualism & Pluralism. InterVarsity, 1993.

Micah is 2 months old! (and 12 pounds)

Micah is almost sleeping through the night! I feed him around 10 and then again at 5:45 in the morning. He is full of smiles and loves to "talk" to mommy and others. He is a social guy. He hates being alone in a room and is completely content when there are tons of people around, even if they aren't talking directly to him.

Carter still isn't sure he LOVES having to share the attention, but he is getting gentler with Micah. He thanks God for "baby brother Micah" every night and asks me where he is whenever I'm not holding him. It is cute seeing Carter become Micah's little protector.

A Modern Story: Deuteronomy

In my daily Bible reading, I was studying the early books of the Old Testament and, once again, found myself rolling my eyes at the disobedient Israelites. In fact, in Deuteronomy, I found myself getting generally annoyed at the fickle nation. Over many chapters, God tells the Israelites that if they obey the statutes of the LORD and make Him God in their lives, He will bless them abundantly through peace, fertile land, many children, health, etc. On the other hand, He reminds them that if they forsake Him and disobey His commands, He will bring them into slavery, they will be barren, they will lose their homes, and disease will strike them. The two promises are made repeatedly again and again.

We all know how the story ends. Over the years, the Israelites forget the God who has done so much for them, worship idols, and they are taken into captivity and suffer over and over again. In fact, there is a continual pattern of sin, repentance, restoration, sin, repentance, restoration, etc. all throughout the Old Testament, especially in the book of Judges.

I read Deuteronomy, and I couldn't believe the Israelites would even entertain ideas of idolatry and disobedience when God has promised them such extreme results from their actions. However, I started thinking and realized that this is our world story today.

When Christ came to earth as a man, He offered the world two choices. First, He says to repent, have faith in His work for our sins, and submit to Him as LORD. If we do so, we are promised to be His and stand before God blameless and holy one day--all on account of Christ. We will receive an eternity with God in Heaven. On the other hand, if we reject Christ, do not submit to Him as LORD and do not repent, we are promised Hell and an eternity of separation from God. The stakes are high--even higher than the promises God gave the Israelites.

Despite these clear promises of eternal blessing or damnation, people choose, as the Israelites did, to reject God. Does the fact that I am a follower of Christ make me smarter than others? Definitely not. The Bible tells us that we are all SLAVES to sin, and we cannot even make the attempt to choose God and obedience because we are so stuck in our depravity. However, God is merciful and calls some to Him. He softens our hearts and works in us so that we choose to repent and submit to Him.

The Israelites are merely our early history mirror of how we, despite the certainty of God's reaction to our actions and decisions, cannot choose obedience without His intervention. We are utterly wretched without Him. We are all the Israelite nation--conforming to the world, putting idols in our hearts, and forgetting God's faithfulness--until God comes to us and calls us to Him.

I now look at the pages concerning the Israelites with a lot more mercy and humility than before. I also am renewed in my thankfulness to my Heavenly Father for saving me from the promise of Hell and replacing it with an eternity in His presence.

Deuteronomy 30:15-20

"See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. For I command you today to love the LORD your God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess.

But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods and worship them, I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess.

This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life . . ."

Carter is Three!

I can't believe it, but Carter is three. Here are some of the things Carter likes, says, does, etc. at this fun age!

--He likes to rhyme words together. ("Mommy, tall and small rhyme!")

--He likes to read books he has memorized to mommy and daddy. (Go, Dog, Go!)

--He loves parks.

--He still loves to play with friends (anyone who is a kid).

--He loves roller coasters (Matterhorn is his favorite ride at Disneyland).

--He likes bounce houses.

--He still hates to eat anything healthy (and even some unhealthy foods).

--His favorite food is cake.

--He likes to read the Bible stories in his Bible with us at night.

--He thinks Wow! Wow! Wubzy is the best TV show ever.

--He loves to be outside.

--He still can't do "W", "L" or "R" blends well. He calls Swirls Yogurt, "Squirrels."

--He can sing the books of the New Testament.

--He likes the Old Testament books song because it has Micah's name in it. He calls it Micah's song.

--He thinks hotels are fun.

--He still sucks his thumb when he is falling asleep and loves his ga-ga's (blankets).

--He is finally daytime potty trained. (I had 2 weeks of no diapers until the baby was born).

--He says, "Why" or "What" a million times a day.

--He knows all his letters and likes to sight read words like "stop."

--He loves to share.

--He still struggles with self control.

--He is a great big brother.

--He says, "Mommy" or "Daddy, I love you" when he does something naughty--sometimes just because.

--He hates brushing his teeth.

--He loves bathtime (except the washing his hair part).

--He still screams when his hair is being cut.

--He is still my little boy (always!), and I love him so much!