Weeping Bitterly

Some of the saddest verses in the Bible are Luke 22:61-62, " The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him: “Before the rooster crows today, you will disown me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly." I choke up every time I read these verses. I sadly identify with falling short in what God expects of me. I mourn Peter's sin, as it could easily be my own, and ache when I think of how I would feel if Jesus turned aside and gazed intently into my eye at such a disgusting, sinful moment. I can't fathom the sorrow.

We might think that we are lucky we won't have to see Jesus's eyes personally witnessing our sinful moments, since Jesus already completed His ministry, sacrifice, and resurrection here on earth and is now glorified once again, next to the Father. However, we are missing our understanding of a very important attribute of God--He is omnipresent. He is everywhere. Though He is with God the Father, He is with us. He is with us when we tell lies, when we have impure thoughts, when we are unrighteously angry, when we are disgustingly proud, when we purposefully slander a brother or sister, and when we sit mute and do not stand up for Him--essentially denying Him much like our poor brother, Peter. In addition, we will all stand before God one day. Believers will account for and be rewarded for the gifts they used for God's glory. Those who cannot claim God as the Lord of their life will have to face that gaze without hope. They will weep bitterly, never to stop.

As Christians, haven't we all felt the intent gaze of God upon us? Don't we recognize that pang and our inward gasp when we understand His loving, patient, hurt, comforting, forgiving and encouraging presence? All at once, He admonishes, loves, teaches and encourages us with the help of His Holy Spirit. We should be utterly touched by the despair of Peter, for we have all been under His precious gaze and tangibly felt his sorrow at our sin.

What we have, that Peter did not at that moment, is the completed sacrifice of Christ. We are not utterly ruined and hopeless. We do not give up and return to "fishing in Galilee", for we know His mercies are new every morning.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he
has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus
Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or
fade—kept in heaven for you" I Peter 1:3-4

If we have put our confidence in Christ's work and repented of our sin, we are sure that we are forgiven. We know that gaze is one of love and help, not the judgment and wrath that will fall to unbelievers.

It should give us all the more sadness when we cannot properly be obedient, knowing what Christ gave to pay for our denials and sin. May we weep bitterly when we fall short, but not utterly despair. We should run to the One who gazes in sympathy and love upon His repentant children, and weep in His loving provision. In the process, we need to rejoice at His mercy and grace. Knowing our forgiveness is complete, we should have the renewed desire to show Him our thankfulness through our obedience to Him. Mourn sin and cling all the more to the just and holy Father who loves us enough to credit us the righteousness of His Son.