More than Many Sparrows

Philippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by
prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And
the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and
your minds in Christ Jesus."

I used to say I would never be one of those moms. Time and again, I'd hear about the anxiety moms would share about their children. I remember one mom, in particular, who would cry when she had to leave her children for any extended length of time. I would give a reassuring hug and wonder why she was so distraught.

God certainly humbles us when we think we are not fallible. Tomorrow, Ryan and I leave for a five day anniversary trip. We decided to celebrate five years and have a short, yet extended time together before any thoughts of baby two limit our solo time together again for a few years. When we made the plans, it sounded relaxing and fun. Now that I have to say goodbye to Carter tomorrow, I am sad and anxious. I feel guilty for leaving him when he doesn't understand, and I am worried because our phone access will be limited, if any. We are leaving him with both of our parents, who he absolutely adores; but, in my mind, no one is like mom.

Through this process, I've learned a few lessons. Of course, I've been convicted of my anxiety and lack of trust in God's plan. Jesus has many words of instruction on worry and anxiety. He certainly was qualified to feel those emotions, but we know He always trusted His Heavenly Father. In Matthew 10:29-31, Christ reassures us,

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the
ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your
head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many
sparrows."

Any worry or panic I feel concerning Carter is a lack of trust in God's care for us. I can do my part by packing his bags carefully and making sure my instructions are clearly written, but once I stop trusting God's plan and will for Carter and try to worry the unknown into my control, I have sinned. Confidently, I can be reassured that whatever happens to Carter is allowed by our loving God, who knows even the number of hairs on my little boy's head. Though there might be no person like mom to Carter, even mom cannot come close to caring about him like God. It is so peaceful knowing someone loves him even more than I do.

Another error I have exposed is my lack of understanding that my first ministry priority in my family is to be my husband. Ryan finds great joy in traveling and getting away from home. With a 22 month old, we don't get to indulge in this practice very often. What joy I should feel in the fact that Ryan and I have a chance to do something that will rejuvenate him, our marriage, and bring us closer together! I have a responsibility and ministry as a mom, but leaving Carter for five days with his loving grandparents is not a neglect in that role. If I am honest with myself, I more often neglect the role of being a Biblical wife due to the weariness, time and emotional toll of being a stay-at-home mom to a toddler. This trip should be a time to focus on my husband and our marriage, not to angst over a perfectly cared for child. How silly I can be when I turn God's blessings into my own trials and difficulties due to my sinful heart.

You can pray for my attitude while we are gone. I AM excited to be with my husband and have some uniterrupted conversation and time to just be together. However, I know how quickly my flesh can corrupt the blessing this trip should be, and I can forget the fact that I Peter 5:7 tells us we can "cast all (our) anxiety on Him, because He cares for (us)." He loves our family more than many sparrows, and He loves us more than I can ever fathom loving Ryan or Carter. Thank you, Father!