The Delight of Loving my Husband

God has graciously provided me with a very thoughtful husband. He listens intently to my likes and dislikes, fears and dreams, and struggles and victories. I often am blessed by his sacrifice. I might awake to find a sweet note commenting on an earlier conversation, or I find much needed time for prayer since he took our toddler down for breakfast as I finish my quiet prayer time.

A friend just told me that her acquaintances were mocking her for the strength and sweetness of her marriage. They laughed and made comments such as, "Just wait. He won't be bringing flowers home in a few years." Another chided that the romantic part of marriage is only for newlyweds and you just settle into a comfortable/thoughtless routine over the years. This was spoken at a church meeting!

Titus 2 certainly disputes the unwise words of these women, and I hope we see the error and sin if we have let our marriages become unloving and unthoughtful. I am reading Feminine Appeal, by Carolyn Mahaney, and she tackles this very topic in chapter 2, entitled The Delight of Loving my Husband. Titus 2:3-5 says,

"Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves
to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women
to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at
home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not
be reviled."

These verses describe a high calling, but one that God so graciously provides in model to us. As we become closer and closer to Him, our sanctification should create MORE unity and MORE love in our marriages. Our desire to serve and encourage in love should outweigh our need to be served and loved.

Mrs. Mahaney brings up a very interesting point about the Greek used for the word "love" in Titus 2. When the Bible gives directives to women, it uses the word phileo. This type of love is passionate, affectionate, joyful and tender. The men are given the word "agape" when directed to love. This word, agape, is more of a love of sacrifice and service. Mahaney explains,

"I believe that Scripture's specific commands to husbands and wives regarding
their duties in marriage attest to our respective weaknesses. Men may be
weaker in showing sacrificial love and are therefore exhorted to undertake
it. But I believe women are generally weaker in exhibiting an affectionate
love--thus the instructions given to us in Titus 2. In fact, women will
often continue to sacrifice and serve their husbands even if all tender feelings
for them have subsided." (pg. 34)

This is so true for me! I can easily make dinner, clean house and tend to Carter with a bad heart or attitude. What is harder for me is to be joyful, loving and affectionate as I serve!

What happens to our affections? Why do we start to be bitter or self-centered? We allow sin to take root in our hearts and eat away at the godly love we should demonstrate. So easily we can pinpoint our husbands' weaknesses, but we need to focus on the gifts they possess. A Biblical focus and thankfulness are thoughts that can replace any sinful tendencies of anger, hate, slander or bitterness. This is not to say that we cannot Biblically admonish sin, but flaws or habits that just personally rub us the wrong way are not to be highlighted.

To be direct, who are we to nag our husbands and roll our eyes at their imperfections? Goodness! We too quickly forget who we are without the grace of God. Charles Spurgeon is quoted in this chapter and puts it well. He says,

"He who grows in grace remembers that he is but dust, and he therefore does not
expect his fellow Christians to be anything more. He overlooks ten
thousand of their faults, because he knows his God overlooks twenty thousand in
his own case. He does not expect perfection in the creature, and,
therefore, he is not disppointed when he does not find it."

We need to see our husbands in the same light we see ourselves--fallen sinners in need of a gracious and merciful Savior. Our patience will vastly improve when we recall how much we need forgiveness and understanding for our own flaws!

Marriage should not just become a union of duty. It should be marked by joy and adoration for one another. Our sense of forgiveness from God should create a heart of thankfulness and not one of expectation and entitlement. Cultivating such a marriage takes work and a Godward focus in your union. If anything, such investment and biblical truth should make your marriage better and better with each passing year. The immature facade of love, that can appear strong in an early relationship, will strengthen and increase with the mortar and brick of a relationship built on Christ.